the here + now

I have a lie I've worked on the past year. This lie doesn't have to be the doubt of the type of wife or mom I am. About whether or not I'm "good enough" This lie was seeded deep down. You are better than her. or him. or them. I grew up in the church. I didn't party. I didn't get drunk on weekends or sleep around. I got married and then had kids. Guess what that lie turns into Judgement. And I was queen of it. I could gossip about anyone and their terrible life. Their terrible mistakes all the while my heart was as cold as stone. I put sins on some human formed scale instead of God's. This past year I've really worked on the growing more. That included focusing on my heart and stop obsessing about the sins other people were doing. I got so wrapped up in how they were sinning and judged others so harshly that I completely lost sight of love. I didn't even understand the word grace. Or mercy. Forgiv...

I broke down crying to my husband. I can't do this for the rest of my life. What I do isn't important. No one cares. I am no awesome baker.  My "decorating" skills are highly lacking. I don't make things with my hands. I don't know how to sew, knit or crochet. I don't home school. I do the same thing day in a day out. Repetitive. What I do doesn't matter. That lie. What I do DOES matter. It matters to....  This girl And this boy And also this girl

Via Instagram pictures, of course!! Some of our friends came to visit this weekend. Words cannot express the absolute filling it was for our family. We played game, drank chocolate wine {seriously, brilliant!}, laughed, talked about Jesus, cuddled our babies, ate yummy food and laughed some more. Weekends like this are so revitalizing. And that's exactly how I feel. Revitalized. Recharged. Refocused. Blessed beyond understanding.

Friday Coffee Date & Girl Behind the Blog I'm linking up with  Alyssa  and  Ashley Come join in!!! If we were having coffee what would you tell me?

......For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.... This is something I feel is vital for my space; my blog. I only want to write out of the overflow of my heart. I also want to point to HIM. And that is why I haven't had anything to write. Because that overflow of my heart has been hurt. I don't want to write in anger.  I don't want to write in frustration, except in my personal journal. But now I write. And guess what it's not an overflow. It's a just beneath the surface. It's just a beginning. That beginning is almost odd to me. This growing would be praying for biological parents. Those parents that have their children taken out of their home. Sexual abuse, physical abuse, neglect, drug abuse. I am praying for those parents. As we dig deeper into the foster care process {and by deeper we just finished our second pre-service class for our license} I am gaining this compassion, this softness for biological parents...

Shopping. GameWorks in Newport. Great Wolf Lodge. Frozen Yogurt. Starbucks. Cuddling. Water Slides. Pizza. Paw Pass. Actually Working Out On Vacation. Spa Treatment. Olivia's First Pedicure With Momma. Tickets. Toys. Candy. Swimsuits. MagiQuest. Giggles.

Alex: Mom, why aren't you sleeping? Me: Do you want me to be sleeping? Alex: Do you want to be sleeping? Me: Yes, yes I do. Alex: So go to sleep. Me: I can't Alex. Alex: Yes you can. Take a day off. Me: I can't, I need to clean the house. Alex: No, mom you should take a day off. There are certain times this boy melts my heart to pieces.  He has such a wonderful sweetness to him, just like his daddy. {{No I didn't end up taking a nap or attending to the MUCH needed cleaning -- we're heading to the happiest place on earth...aka...Ikea ;) }}

Good Morning  I hope you all had a blessed week! If we were having coffee together what would you tell me??? If you want to do a coffee date post make sure to link up with Alyssa

Like so many people, I have recently gone to see Les Mis. And like most women cried. But there was on part. This one little part. This part that screamed THIS. This is how I want you to love others. This is what I mean. That little part where the priest said Jean did not steal from him and gave him more. That part. That broke me. And breaks me again as I'm writing this. That's the love Jesus talks about. That this stuff we have doesn't matter -- but helping others, giving out of what He has given us -- that's what matters. That's HIS type of love. Because if I were in that situation, I'll be honest, I'd be livid. Livid, I tell ya. I would cry and push hate and bitterness upon that person Not forgiveness. Not love like Jesus. I would be full of anger. But that part was like a huge heart grinder.  A change of perspective. That definition of Jesus' love I've been searching for. It was refined. I am being changed day by day. His lo...

People have been talking about their word for 2013 since before the first. Not going to lie I felt left out.  Why don't I have a word. I want a word too! I knew within the deep of my "knower" that last year was GRACE .  Without a doubt. Grace upon grace upon grace. I learned. I struggled. I cried. I was confused. I was hurt. I was loved and restored. I kept wondering if I would receive a word. The first of January came and nothing. But you know something funny about God. He doesn't work on our time.  He works in HIS perfect time.   He knew exactly when I needed to receive my word. So I'm guessing you may be curious as to what it is. Yes I fully trust and believe I will continue to learn more about grace   but for 2013 my word is So what about you? Did YOU receive a word? I'd LOVE to hear about it!!!!

I kept reading blog after blog of amazing women talking about making their blogs all about Jesus. To make more of Him. To make every post reflect His love, His grace, His mercies. To me it was a "yeah-of-course" but it's still MY blog. And it was a roll off the shoulder, put on the back burner type of thing. Nothing to truly deepen in me.  Until today. I'm not sure why. But it hit me hard. This isn't just MY blog. This beautiful life that I've been blessed with IS NOT ABOUT ME. Everything I am. Everything I do. My screw ups, my messiness, my beauty, my heart. IT'S ALL ABOUT HIM. Who He is changing me to be. Who I am. How He loves me just as I am but has no intention of leaving me this way. The way He is leading us to foster care. How He is teaching me GRACE over and over and over and over. Learning more and more about HIS LOVE, not the world's boxy standards of HIS love. And I've been thinking more about my resolutions. So I ho...