the here + now

"Ewww gross I am so fat" "I can't stand the way my nose looks" "I'm going to stop eating so I can lose 10 pounds" And it goes on and on.  These things we say. And we wonder why our girls, our nieces, granddaughters, the neighbor girl, ourselves all struggle. We don't just mildly struggle, it's something big. As a mother I have to think about what my girls are hearing and seeing. Am I raising them to hate themselves, to make them see they are less -than, that they are too round or loud or ....... I am. I am not raising them with a full self-esteem, but to live in a cycle of trying to lose weight ---> stop trying ---> self-hatred. It's a wicked cycle. It's something they see & hear. And what do children do --- they watch closely. Those words I speak about myself, it implants in their minds & hearts. My beautifully perfect little girls will start to believe there is something wrong with the beautiful pi...

We were at cheer practice. The three year old was being her little wild self. I actually love age three more than age two. Their personality is bursting through, they can talk more, communication doesn't seem like you're walking into a wall. A little more independent. There is also more orneriness, or maybe that's just for the Shannon kids. It was hot. But I had a friend to talk to. A friend who inspires me to be a better mom, always. And not in the yucky comparison way, but in a good way. Addie, the three year old, decided running into the street/parking lot sounded like a great idea. Over and over and over. And she stepped in. For a bit she was my arms. She swooped my girl up and held her. I got a break. This is community in motherhood. She wasn't judging me, she was just there.  Let's do this more. Let's step in. Let's surround other moms with encouragement & extra arms. 

"Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you. Jesus Christ & the American soldier. One died for your soul and the other died for your freedom" Our 4th of July was lovely. We spent the day at home and then in the evening we went to our friend's house to enjoy food, rest & corn hole.  Then we came home and watched fireworks from our house. One of the best things about living in small town USA is all the fireworks people set off, they were beautiful & spectacular. 

"Mom I hurt Alex and said I was sorry" "Ok" "He is still mad at me and won't say 'it's ok'" "He doesn't have to, you said something to hurt his feelings. I'm glad you said sorry, but your words were still said and they still hurt" I think we can all learn something here. In big {imaginative} bold letters, I learned here I don't like when people say "it's ok" after they have been hurt & I don't like that our children are taught to say it. It's not ok. Instead lets teach our children the weight of words & that forgiveness is a part of relationships.  Hitting still hurts. Words can hurt. And linger. For far longer than the physical pain lasts.  "The tongue has the power of life and death...." Proverbs 18:21

This morning I sat at the island, trying to catch up on blogs. Sometimes reading others words is healing. Sometimes you think "if I could formulate words a little better, I so could have written that post" which this morning was  this one  from (in)courage When I finished going through the posts that sparked my interest, I'm sorry, that's just the season I'm in. I am not longer able to read through all of my feed. I asked Olivia what I should write about because she was sitting at the island with me, in typical 7 year old fashion she said "me!"  That's my Olivia Katelyn.  She is a twin to that cutie beside her.  She will be 8, E I G H T, next month. She is so much like me that sometimes we bash heads. She is full of life. She goes through life by the beat of her own drum. She's imaginative & dreamy.  She is so girly. She loves pink & glitter & disney princesses.  She can go from happy to moody pre-pre-teen in about 5 seco...

Summer 2014 has started off so lovely. Both Alex & Liv have finally learned to ride their bikes without training wheels within 2 days. We have gone swimming, played past dark. Have the dreaded bug bites. Been sunkissed. The freckles have come out in full force as they do every summer. Before school let out I wanted this summer to be fun. I have day I have to remind me that summer is for fun, but mostly making the choice to have fun is making this summer already better than any other summer.  My summer bucket list:  -Survive June. We have a lot of birthdays in June. 6 to be exact.  -Not get lobster fried. It seems to happen every year, you know the burn where you feel like you can't move or sleep or breath.  -That no one dies. But seriously, we plan on going on lots of bike rides, staying out in the dark summer nights and going swimming. That's my list. Those are the things. Everything else are bonuses. 

Welcome to our lives Dave Ramsey! Money was never our stressor point, the thing that made us argue the most. Because we never really talked about it. We would discuss a budget and think we were on one. We really weren't. Over the past year we've talked about trying this Dave Ramsey plan and never dived in. Our friends, Justin & Heather, have been on this plan and have knocked out a lot of debt. They gifted us with some truth filled words & this book. It sat on a table for a few months and then Douglas decided we're doing it. We read the book together and decided starting June 1st we were making these changes. We'll also be taking the Financial Peace University class at church that starts later this month! We learned that budgeting isn't a once a year thing --- but a monthly budget & sometimes even more. We have learned how childish we have been. We have learned how to get out of debt, the steps. We are at the very beginning, building our eme...

When my twins were toddlers I remember moms freaking out about the upcoming summer. Moms not wanting their bigs home all day. Trying to figure out how they were going to end the summer with their sanity. And me in pride just couldn't understand, why. But now that my twins are older & bicker like crazy. I GET IT. But I don't want to enter into SuMmEr (yes, I just did that!) 2014 in fear or grumpiness. I want us to have a summer. You know, lots of fun. I want to seek the joy. I want us to laugh & get dirty & stay up too late & swim & play with sparklers (because I'm a wild mom like that) & dance & jump on the trampoline til I pee my pants, which isn't long &....... Where it stops my heart & makes me stressed, grumpy and fearful ----> 5 kids. FIVE. A teen, twin 7 year olds, a 3 (next month) year old and a toddler who is not quite 2 but we know how those month before 2 are. There are 10+ birthdays, all of our birthdays, but the young...

I listened about her case. My heart broke as to be expected. And we said yes. Then I went into a fit of hysteria. While this would be nice to be just an exaggeration. I scream cried. I questioned God A LOT. How can I care for a teen mom? And not only care for her but "you'll need to teach her to mother also"? Then we waited. We waited for the phone call after court.  She wasn't coming, a family member stepped up!!  I had decided after that call that we were not called to foster teen moms, that it was just a situation where God was seeing if I would say yes. And then a week later...... We got another call.  That was the call. After months of nothing. After weeks of several calls daily. This was it. I could feel it in my bones. I was ready to fight for them & never felt so un-nervous about a possible placement.  It's been a ride. A beautiful one. We've had our ups and our downs. I've had days wonder why God thought I could moth...

"You know God is going to lead us to foster teens, I know it, we're just waiting on you to know it" the mr. - - - - - -  When Doug and I first started taking our classes we decided on ages 2-7, we felt done with the baby stage & we wanted the children to be Alex and Olivia's age or younger.  But then God started working through others to push us to lower our ages, so we decided to lower our ages 0-7, to do this another home inspection has to be done. While our home inspector was here Doug asked her if there are any children they've been having a hard time placing. "yes, actually 'the county we live in' is trying to find a home for a teen mom and her baby."  You know that feeling. That feeling where you feel like someone threw a baseball bat at your stomach and God is standing on your head at the same time? That happened. I pulled myself together, looked at Doug and said no. But the moment our inspector left, you k...

These are in no particular order, just tips I'm learning, share yours!! 1. Take lots of deep breaths 2. When a child asks to help, stop being so controlling & just say YES, it doesn't matter how it gets just done just that it does get done.  3. Kiss your husband & make sure you two are having sex. You need it & so does he. Sometimes you just gotta force yourself to, you'll be happier. 4. Drink lots of coffee because that's my answer for everything 5. Buy dry shampoo. Motherhood often means showers are towards the end of the list 6. Take walks, go play outside, toss a ball, roll in the grass. Fresh air does amazing things for moods of all ages. 7. Let go of comparisons 8. It's ok to order pizza more than once a week 9. Have family over & don't stress because your floor hasn't been mopped in over a week (and yes I totally screenshot this from snapchat, thanks Layna!) 10. Make time for yourself, this is the ...

Blog land started becoming so much more beautiful when people really started sharing their stories. The storms they've walked through, the seasons they are in, the fears about the future. So much has been about sharing your story without fear. Sharing your story and ignore the naysayers. Share your story & others will so get where you are at or where you've been. But sometimes sharing the story you are currently living gets a little grey area. For me, most of my current story I cannot share. Because my story right now is so much their story. For two children I fell in love with the moment they showed up in that red car packed with their belongings. That everyday I fall more in love & everyday I have to remind myself and prepare my heart for the time when they step out our door.  Fostercare is many things, but sharing their story is not something for me to share. 

The things God calls us to rarely make sense. Instead it's an act of faith.  The things God is leading you to, can make other people look at you like you have 3 heads or may need to be admitted. And at the end of the day, week, month & years it's all about Him, all about His glory, His story, His grace. I am so thankful to be part of that story. What I have learned, is God gently & sometimes not so gently leads us to the places to go. If it keeps coming to your mind and it is something completely crazy but you can see God's hand in it, girl you betta get to praying.  We have stepped into a season of what you & others will think is completely crazy, but without a doubt in my mind God has lead us here. To this exact timing, His will.  Would you join in & praying for our family and to the two that have been lead to our home?

In January & February I posted pictures of items found on pinterest that give me inspiration. This month I want something more, something that I can physically grasp that is spurring my soul on. To more of Jesus, more of my husband and more of my children. To grow deeper & love more unselfishly. I don't want to wait. I don't want to phone to cause me to tense up. I want to live in the moment with those around me. To take every special moment with my husband and beautiful and precious. And remember that the not so fun moments pass. I want to listen to every made up pokemon, read every story & be attentive to every tantrum. To be fully present with the family & friends are around even though my flesh cries hide in your own little world. I want to live this life without fear & be ready for what comes next.

When I was younger, my dream was to marry Douglas and become a mom. At nineteen (a month before I turned 20) I married that boy and a year later we had our twins.  I fulfilled those dreams. But they were not how I planned. I don't know what I really expected marriage to be, because after 8 1/2 years I can tell you it's tough & beautiful & harder than I ever imagined & full of God's grace. And motherhood is different but alike in a way. Along the way I have lost my joy for motherhood. When Alex and Olivia were babies I would say I was thriving in motherhood. I felt lost as who Katie was, but as a mother I was winning or so I felt. Along the way I tried this and that. I believed this lie and that lie. To where I felt like I was dying to go back to work. To wish away these precious years. At the beginning of this year I knew my joy had been depleted. I was living motherhood as something to dread, something to be stressed about over every detail. But I...

It's been a tough winter. Lots of snow. Below 0 temperatures. Being stuck inside. My spirit took a plunge. But not only mine but hers too. I kept wondering what the heck has been going on. And when she went outside to swing the other day and her face glowed with pure joy God revealed that it's been tough for her too. It started to make me think how I get lost in how to mother properly. To give the grace needed.  I have bad moods. They do too. My feelings get hurt & so do theirs. I can become overly excited about something that seems silly to others & we know kids can get overly excited about what seems to be ridiculous things. Parenting with grace isn't another set of rules for you to follow. It's a story that you're to rejoice in. Share the story with your children. Show them your savior. Show them Jesus. Dazzle them with His love. { Give Them Grace }

"I couldn't handle twins" "How do you do it?" "Boy, you have your hands full" If I had a dollar for every time I heard one of these comments or the such you betta believe I'd be spending every day at Hobby Lobby buying all the things.  When I first started being asked how I could handle twins my reaction was always I don't have a choice. This is what God gave me, it's what I do.  Which lead into a bit of cockiness. All in all I handled twin motherhood well in their first year  well. I took them every where, I had it all under control. Truth is underneath it all I was drowning. I never had time to do my hair, nor the energy. I took the compliments and wore them as my saving grace. I became the women who was disgusted by mothers with one child complaining. I wanted to whack them with whatever I could. All I could think was they had no idea.  And then I got pregnant again with our Addie Boo. God started working. I remembered ...

Know this from the beginning this does not happen every night. There are a few things I like to do every night, not because I'm looking for some sort of perfection for the angels in middle of the night, but because when morning comes my day is welcomed with a sort of peace I need. My friend  Amber  encouraged me to start this routine. I think if you choose to start your own routine, you need to find what works for you and what helps your morning run smoother. - Clean the kitchen. No I don't sweep and mop, but I clean the counters and most importantly I clean the sink. If you don't ever start a morning routine that is perfectly fine, but try cleaning the sink every night and see how it feels in the morning. Life changing. I tell ya.  - Load & run dishwasher . Obviously the run part doesn't always happen, because I'm not going to run a less than full dishwasher, I have to run it enough already.  - Pick up the toys. I get all the toys picked up...

Let's get honest some days motherhood just sucks. The endless messes, the hand printed sliding door, the crayon stained walls, the whining, the dishes, the mud tracked in from football cleats, a forgotten tooth under the pillow, hearing "mom, momma, mommy" a zillion times a day. It can be overwhelming. I have to remind myself one day I'll miss this, but sometimes I just want a pause button. Sometimes I just want to be able to sit and read all day long with a never-ending cup of coffee or spiced orange tea.  But the truth is I miss this when they are gone an hour. I miss this when the older two are at school and the house feels so quiet with just Addie. Some days I don't even want to clean the sliding door, because their little fingerprints mean life. And on the days that are hard and I feel like there is no way any other person on the planet is as tired as I am I find comfort in this little big promise

"Sorry Liv we're going to be a few minutes late." "It's ok mom, we're always a few minutes late." When did this happen. I used to be such an on time person that I would easily show up to events, appointments, family dinners 30 minutes early. Not joking. Running late stresses me out. Even if I think I'm going to be running late. When the Alex & Olivia were toddlers I was so "good" at being prepared and never arriving late. In most cases that seems awesome. People would question how I did it.  The truth I never said, I stress myself, my children and my husband out. I would say very hurtful words towards my husband if he caused me to be late anywhere. I'd love to tell you that everything has changed. That I have channeled my inner  Melody Joy  and can roll with the punches with a smile on my face but the truth is.... Things have changed. I only get mad when other people run late some of the time. I myself can arri...