the here + now

Yes I have no makeup on. And this is my first vlog. Be patient with my awkwardness. {And I sound so weird - I promise I'm not a robot}

Yes. I lie. This is how my lie goes. { Pre-Lie : I get my feelings hurt, I stuff } Person who hurt my feelings : Are you ok? Me : Yes, I'm fine. LIE. Sometimes it goes further. Person : Did I hurt your feelings when I said/did this? Me : No, that's silly. LIE. Person : Are you sure? Me : Yes, don't even worry about it. LIE. If you read my last post you know I have been reading Unglued [Making Wise Choices In The Midst of Raw Emotions]  by Lysa TerKeurst. While I knew lying was wrong. A sin. I just shoved it off as not causing conflict would be better..... not letting someone feel guilty was better.... but in fact it is lying. And it doesn't just hurt the person I'm lying to but it hurts me. Deeply. And then it just starts to put a wedge in that relationship and with every "I'm fine" lie the wedge becomes bigger and bigger. And maybe that is why I feel so lonely. Maybe that is why I don't really have meaningful connections wi...

I was again excited for #20choretuesday. I'm not so excited about some things that got accomplished and now that it's 9:00pm it looks like it was never touched. But here's my list for today: Clean kitchen Sweep kitchen Mop kitchen Dishes {several times} Fridge Clean 1/2 bathroom Clean and re-organize my "junk" drawers <<--- AAAHHH that felt good to finally get done! Sweep front entry Mop entry way Vacuum stairs Clean laundry room Mop laundry room floor Clean sliding door - dirtiest window in our house Wash coffee pot Wash, dry and put away Olivia and Addison's clothes Wash, dry and put away Alex's clothes Clean office area - This was last on my list so not my best job but done Delete unneeded contacts on my phone Devotions Take trash to the curb My morning started out again early. Woke I'm guessing around 5:30 {again} tried to fall back asleep but failed so I got up around 6:00am. I came down stairs and made homemade appl...

I'm in such an odd place right now. This wanting to be more. To love more. To do more. I have been praying for a servant's heart like crazy lately. Partially due to the new babysitting gigs I have going on. Let's be honest, extra kids requires a servant's heart. {Teachers who actually love their job - you've got it going on!!!} I want to help where I can with what I have. And there's this whole feeling lonely thing. Who know having and keeping friends would be so difficult as an adult. I'm not sure what is wrong with me,  but there always seems to be someone better. So I wait. I wait on God. Because seriously, I want His blessing. I want Him to bring me that one or two or three true friends that will stick closer than a brother. I {very impatiently} wait on Him. I pray. I cry. I scream. And in my being completely unglued I feel broken.     By the way when I lost it the other day my son made me a giant red heart. It was the      s...

Morning started with me waking up at 6am, instead of when my alarm was set to go off at 6:30. I played on the ipad for a bit then got up to make pancakes. First day of school deserves something more than cereal right?!! These little guys were waiting for them - pancakes with bananas and peaches, yum is right!  I was surprised when Olivia was the first to come downstairs. She's usually the one who sleeps in the latest. Most mornings not waking until after 8:30 but she was so excited. She told me she just couldn't sleep. Then she was sent to wake up the boy. She woke him quickly by telling him the bus was here, silly girl!! Having football the night before makes for a tired boy early in the morning.  They were so excited they could barely eat. Usually these kids can eat 2 pancakes but on yesterday they couldn't even finish one. Talk about excited kiddos.  OH boy, was this little lady not so excited about waking up so early....

Yesterday was #20choretuesday It's as simple as it seems. 20 chores To do on Tuesday. I honestly didn't expect to get all 20 done. We went to the school yesterday to meet the kids' kindergarten teachers, so my morning was spent. I have found out I really enjoy 20 chore Tuesday. It's a day I can get a lot done! I love feeling accomplished. I may feel completely drained by the end of the day, but if feels good to get so much done! Give it a try ladies :)

Today we went to Babeck to meet the teachers. First we met Alex's teacher, Ms Faris. She's an older teacher, sweet lady. After meeting her I'm thinking she will be great for Alex. She knows all the tricks, nothing will surprise her. And she will not let Alex say "I can't do this" in his highly exaggerated voice. Alex was bummed at first because he didn't think any of his football friends were in his class but thankfully there is one. Then we went upstairs to Olivia's class. I said separate and separate they did. Olivia's teacher is Ms. Nickell. Very bubbly woman. Again I was thinking perfect for Olivia. God obviously knows what He's doing -- again Katie, TRUST in God's plan. There is also a student teacher in Olivia's classroom, as sweet as can be. She reminds me of Kristen. There are also a lot of twins in her class. There are a set of twin girls who are not separated also a boy {football player} that is separated fr...

I decided over the weekend I needed a challenge. Obviously just saying no doesn't work for me. I apparently don't understand that word. So  challenge myself...why not?! Who doesn't like a little competition? Two Week Challenge -- No sweets. No cupcakes, cookies, ice cream, speciality coffee, cake.... You get the picture. None. For two weeks. Ok, this should be much easier than it is. But I LLLOOOOVVVEEEEEE sweets. Like seriously. All of it. Hopefully this will help in becoming a little more disciplined.  He who ignores discipline comes to poverty and shame, but whoever heeds correction is honored. -Proverbs 13:18 I almost failed today. Almost. Olivia and I went out to run some errands and I had a coupon for a free coffee from McDonalds. I was so close to getting a chocolate chip frappe And thankfully before I said a word to Olivia I remembered my challenge. And those darn pumpkin bars sitting in the kitchen from Barn N Bunk. Nini, you're killing m...

Weight loss didn't happen this week. Because of food. I apparently can't tell myself no. Workout-wise I did pretty well. Monday I did Week 2 Day 1 of my treadmill workout for beginner runners and 50 minutes of Zumba. Tuesday I did the 30 Day Shred Level 2. Wednesday was Week 2 Day 2 running and Hip Hop Abs: Hips, Buns and Thighs. Thursday 30 Day Shred Level 2 Friday I skipped. I was supposed to do Week 2 Day 3 of running and something else, but I was having this pain in my chest. It hurt to move, it hurt to run the sweeper, to pick up Addison so I decided not to push it. I will do Day 3 today. I decided today I'm going to go on a 2 week challenge with no sweets. Gotta take baby steps or at least that's what I keep saying. To start no sweets for 2 weeks. No candy, chocolate, ice cream, cake, cupcakes...... This is my new little set up by my computer, pictures to keep me motivated while running, to remind me to work to be healthy for these people!!!  ...

The other day a friend posted this on facebook and in the past few days I've seen it posted a lot. I posted it on my ig. At first I read this and thought...yeah, whatever. But then you know that moment when God tugs on your heart and says I'm trying to tell you something. Yes THAT. So I re-read that. And got it. Well at least what I needed to get in that moment.  First thing I think about is gay people, because most of the time this quote "Hate the sin love the sinner" is in reference to gay people. But what about  Christians who watch porn in the privacy of their home Or gossip Or lie Cheat on their spouse Cuss people out in their heads Belittle their children Being gay is not the ultimate sin. We tend to get blurry-eyed and see sin so much different than God views our sins. To us we tend to put sins on levels but with God sin is sin. I tend to get so caught up in trying to make people see the truth. Before it was pride...

Waiting to adopt. We've always known we wanted to adopt. When I was younger I was all about adopting from Haiti. After Doug and I got married we talked about adopting, what 20 year olds pregnant with twins talk about adopting?! Oh yes that would be our crazy butts. After having the twins life was well...busy, Doug was finishing school. We moved to Arizona. While in Arizona we thought we'd have no more kids. And then the longing came. With that I discovered the reason for all my womanly pain. I never understood why sex hurt so bad. Until the endometriosis and large cyst was discovered. And then I was told there was a very high chance I would not get pregnant. I thought maybe that's why I was blessed with twins, because Alex and Olivia would be our only children. A month after my surgery I got pregnant. After being pregnant with Addison I had the essure procedure done. I can no longer house babies. And the itch for adopting came again. Doug and I casually talk...

Losing the weigh of dirt of overwhelming mess. I've seen people doing the 20 Chore Tuesday and haven't done it because Monday is usually my crazy busy day with my to do list, but Monday I had to take the car in to get serviced; oil change, tires rotated, some brake thing replaced and tire fixed because a nail punctured it. By the time I got home there wasn't much time in the day to do a big to do list so I didn't. So Tuesday roles around and I think I can do this, I have a lot to do. And I did. I worked all day and did a few extra things that weren't even on the list. In between being a mommy and football practice for the boy I got it finished. My last item was finished after practice around 9pm before putting Miss Addie Boo to bed. There's everything finished!! It was nice to actually get every item on my to do list checked off. And some other pictures from yesterday just because: Miss Olivia and Miss Addison - such sweetness. I love w...

Recently we found a park that is close to our house. Normally we don't go because we have a playset and trampoline in our back yard, but it was so heavenly yesterday we decided to go. Oh how I loved it. I'm an outdoorsy type girl. I'd rather go camping then stay in a hotel. I'd rather sit around a campfire cooking pizza in a pie iron and smores then go to some fancy restaurant. The park is big. We played football, soccer, had races {which my husband smoked me!} The kids played with some other children at the park while my husband and I took a walk on the path. My mother in law was visiting so we actually were able to walk just the two of us. It's amazing in such a simple act I am reminded how loved I am and how lucky I am to be his wife. And oh, how he makes me laugh!! He hates having his pictures taken. But hey, I got something.  Douglas and Olivia swinging. This girl, actually both my girls, LOVE to swing.  Addie Boo and me while she was s...

I just found out about this. If I understand it correctly every month on the 10th you take 10 pictures every hour for 10 hours {obviously} recording your day. I didn't exactly remember. But it's my first time so I get to have an excuse. Hopefully I'll do better in September. By the way, can you believe summer is almost over?!! Alex and Olivia start kindergarten in 11 days. CRAZY!!! I start my day the same every morning, as long as I don't hit the snooze and go back to sleep. I wake up at 6:30 am and head downstairs. I start my coffee and wait. Then I read my devotions [#shereadstruth] - We are currently going through the book of Proverbs.  Addie Boo woke up late yesterday. She wasn't eating breakfast until 10:00. She is like her sister, she LOVES her sleep!!!  At 11:00 I decided it was time for a workout. I did day 3 of week 1 of my beginners running schedule. I am remembering why I loved running so much. After my treadmill workout I did a Hip...

I'm trying. Trying to make better choices. The food part is still ridiculously hard and I have a feeling it'll always be a struggle. Right now my workout is like this: M/W/F:  Beginners Running Program http://www.best-running-tips.com/beginners-running-     program3.html} Zumba And Evening walk with the kids and the dog T/Th: 30 Day Shred I'm not longer doing Zumba on the Tuesday and Thursday because it was becoming too much. My first goal is for tomorrow. My birthday. We'll see if I reach it!!!

Today I have felt heavy. My heart. My spirit. Just heavy. I've been on the verge of crying all morning. It was just waiting to happen. As I read more of my book {Redeeming Love} the tears were just waiting. I sat reading still so heavy. Trying to release the tension to Jesus. It was just a morning of feeling weak. Feeling unworthy. And then I got up to pee and decided to check the mail. In our little white mail box held an envelope. I recognized the hand writing right away. I quickly opened it and pulled out the insides. A card I opened and read once I get inside. Standing in the kitchen. My heart was being mended. By her words. Oh her sweetness. This woman who without knowing has shown me the love of Jesus like never before. Then the package. The little package. I opened and saw the names Alex, Olivia and Addison. On charms. On a necklace. And the tears that had been waiting to release all morning let loose. They were overwhelming. Such a small gift, with s...