the here + now

---Go pee every chance you get. For me I pee, a lot, more than the average pregnant woman. It's bad. But I've learned that I can take the opportunity to pee or suffer later. ---I need time with Jesus. My flesh has a major attitude and is very selfish. It leaks out all over the place when I'm not with Him. ---People hurt. They just do. People who love Jesus. People who hate Jesus. People who have no opinion on Jesus. People hurt. I have to remind myself to be gentle to others and myself. ---Budgeting is important. Sometimes it's hard being an adult. Budgeting takes time & effort. But is so necessary. ---Dealing with depression is a thing for me. But now I know it's often an attack on my soul & talking to others is helpful. ---Being married isn't about making me happy. It's about us becoming holy. It's about us raising little warriors together . ---Church isn't necessary on your walk. It's not. But I can't imagine doing life...

I woke up. It was quiet. He wasn't in the bed with me. It felt heavily empty. The house felt so quiet. Except for the boy downstairs on his galaxy. I opened the card he left for me. He told me to wait until mother's day & so I did. I cried my eyes out. The day just isn't the same without him. These beauties are gifted to me. I adore them but they also drive me crazy. I feel spoiled being their mama & overly exhausted being their mama.  But the day was just not the same without their daddy. And God was at work. I could have sat there feeling like I spoiled brat or used the brain & heart God gave me. So while I felt in a haze all day, I listened. God opened my eyes to the life of a single mama. I grew up the daughter of a single mama most of my life. But never being a single mama, I can't really understand. Yesterday, I got the tiniest glimpse. Special days don't mean breakfast in bed, they mean making breakfast ...

Matthew 14:27-31 But Jesus said immediately to them: "Take courage! IT is I. Don't be afraid." "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "command me to come onto the water." Jesus said. That's my favorite part. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. We go crazy thinking about what God wants us to do with our lives. We freak out. We doubt. We cry. All Jesus says is  He's not asking for our prerequisites. He's not pinching and poking at each weakness. He's not removing pride first. He just tells us to come to Him. To come with Him. And when our faith starts to falter. And we forget during the storms that He is walking right with us.  And when we cry out he immediately reaches out his hand for us. [Matthew 14:31] ///// A year and a few months ago this was my story. I had this very specific dream about a teen in my house. I was so confused why she was in my house. And why wa...

We were going to be done. We had decided we had three placements, by the time this one is over, two years as foster parents. We realized we weren't rockstar foster parents, but we did it. We were done. But then Maybe just one more. We'll try again. This is supposed to be hard. We'll just take a break. Two weeks. All summer. A month. Two weeks. I had even planned the "we're done with foster care" post all in my head To now. Now that we are preparing for them leaving. Now it's We may or may not take a breather in between. Where we were scared and felt very raw in all our brokenness and not enough-ness to we were called to this for a reason. We never intended to walk into foster care. Or take in a teen mom. Five months ago we didn't intend to keep going. But we do. Foster parents feel all their crap deeply & know we can be the worst. But we believe. We believe through the muck we are making a difference. We believe God is doin...

I could never do that, I'd get too attached. Wait, are people able to do this and not get attached? Is that a thing? NO. It's not. At the beginning of 2014 God started doing a work in my heart. I started seeing, hearing & reading about teens aging out. I was confused at first. Why? Why was I reading these things & having a dream about fostering a teen girl. I had already scheduled a home visit to change our ages from 2-7 to 0-7. While Kristy was here Douglas got the great idea to ask if they have any children they are struggling to place. Of course, he had to ask the question. And of course the answer was a teen mom. I laughed. When she left Doug looked at me with that look. That look that I know life is about to change. I called "just to find out her info" and in my head that was it. I hung up. It took about all of FIVE minutes before I called back and said we'd like to say yes to her. Things were up and down the next 24 hours and at the last minute a...

We've all been there, us big girls. A friend, sister, stranger who is like a size 6 starts talking about some weight loss program they just got into and we're all like I'm going to stuff all the cream filled donuts in yo face. Been there. Thought that. Boom. But what about if you DO want to lose the weight. You're tired of the thighs on fire & clothes that never quite fit right & you become winded just walking up the stairs. Then friend, I want to cheer you on. You need to get ready. It's going to be hard work. How to start. That's up to you. The saying is do the workout you'll do . I fell in love with running. Running as a big girl can be quite difficult. Thighs rubbing together, the big ole butt that feels like it's atleast a mile behind your feet. Start slow. I use the  Ease Into 5k app But I don't switch it up everyday. I start and switch to the next level when I'm ready. What I've learned is running & get...

I'm so expert, I just have been a mom for 8 1/2 years so I thought I would share things I've learned along the way. 1. You are the parent. (to make it easy I'll use he) He is the child. 2. Cuddles are necessary. 3. When you're making decisions for your child you need to make sure it's actually for him & not to impress others. 4. Stick to your word. If you say "you are going to sit in time out for x,y,z" and he does x,y,z then sit that boy in time out. 5. Speaking of time outs, they're not fun and they take practice. He doesn't understand time out, so you have to teach him. It will take a lot of you being the parent and him fighting you along the way. 6. And more cuddles. 7. Bed time. Oh, it can be the absolute worst thing ever to deal with. Make sure however you make it work that it will work for the long haul. What I've seen with mine is by about 3ish they really start to understand when it's bedtime, it's bedtime. 8. Meal...