the here + now

FEAR. I am scared. There is no way around that truth. I don't regret saying yes to allowing God to work on my heart. Or leading us to this place. But I am scared. So scared that for the month of April I didn't think about it too much. Instead I put all my focus, all my thought, into working out and eating healthy. Not that focusing on that is wrong but it is wrong that I have been trying to hide. To hide away from God. Hide from the plan He has laid out.  I always know when I'm hiding or running or refusing when my heart feels heavy and my relationship with Jesus just feels off.  It scares me to think of that first call. And the first placement. And the first biological parent visit. And the first time we have to say good bye. I pray for our hearts. For Olivia, Alex & Addison's hearts. I pray for the hearts of the children that will enter our home & for their parents. I know in my head His plans far outweigh my fears. I know...

Today would be my first coffee date without the video, sorry folks, just ain't happening today. but..... If we were having coffee together I'd tell you ..... I am just so thankful Addison's fever is gone.  Last evening a little before 5 all the sudden she started acting not like herself and had a low grade fever. I was nervous since we have a plane to get on tomorrow morning. I would hate the thought of her not being able to go. So prayer. But not just some random prayer. That peaceful God is in control prayer. And she has been fever free since last night around 8pm. God is good guys, like seriously!!! You need to go here ---> Beautiful & Beloved Boutique . My beautiful friend, Amber is using talent + that desire to be more than just live through the motions of life . This week I'm struggling. My workouts have been lame and my eating, well, let's just say I do not feel at my best. It's these times that I truly realize the imp...

Katie asked me to share our heart for foster care and how God lead us to where we are now. I started out thinking of useful information and statistics and facts to weave into our story, and I may still find a way to include some of those BUT, I am going to stay true to her request and just share what God has done in my heart and in my husbands heart in regards to foster care and the American orphan. Let's start here ----> We never intended to be foster parents. It was not on our radar or any to-do list. We began the process of international adoption in 2009. We ended up with two biological kiddos and continued our pursuit of international adoption. Foster care literally never entered our minds. My thinking was along the lines of "Kids in the US have roofs over their heads, clothes on their backs and food in their tummies. Their parents are not dying of AIDS at alarming rates and they are not dying themselves of dirty water. The needs of child...

{Don't you just love camera angles that make you look much smaller than you are!!! So glad I know these tricks}   { But seriously !!! How precious is this....a Nini & here great grand babies} {Sporting my Mommy necklace on Mother's Day...totally not cliche or anything} {Oh you mommas know exactly what this card is talking about} One blessed with momma. Who is married to one amazing husband. With our amazing littles. I am so thankful for this weekend. Such a beautiful reminder of how much He loves me.

I'm linking up with  Alyssa  for Friday Coffee Date If we were having coffee what would you tell me?

....and to me will never be a race. Unless we're talking about a turtle race. Slow. Steady. One step forward and three back. Weight loss. Working out. Health. Bravery. Yep that's what I'm getting more and more passionate about. I've been here before.  This beautifully frustrating weight loss journey. First time was in 7th grade where I stopped eating. Which lead me to pass out during a basketball game cheering. My cheer coach was on the line about yanking me from the squad. And then high school. Crazy long workouts with my best friend. Yep....that didn't last long. After getting married. It was all about making myself feel as terrible as possible, because of course that would cause a change, right?! Then after the twins were born. They were about 4 months old when I hit my highest weight.... 230. That number was scary. And I decided to make a change. And I did. But how I did it was mostly hidden. I l...

About a month or two ago I had a melt down that resulted in me crying to my husband about how I suck at this Christian women thing and that I should give up. And then last week I yelled at a family member that resulted in huge guilt and me feeling like I will never change. I will always be a huge work in progress never making progress. Over the past 2 months or so I have thought I don't think people, my friends, in the blogging world would still love me if they saw the real me. If they knew how often I screw up. But this..... But He said to me, "My  grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" I feel like every time I grasp that verse it flips my life, the way I view everything, upside down. And so here I am. Feeling this pull on my heart to not shy away from my struggles. To not just share about the pains in my past, my current pains & the victories HE sees me through. So here's my real life Katie version...