Why I've been stalling......

FEAR.

I am scared. There is no way around that truth.

I don't regret saying yes to allowing God to work on my heart.

Or leading us to this place.

But I am scared. So scared that for the month of April I didn't think about it too much. Instead I put all my focus, all my thought, into working out and eating healthy. Not that focusing on that is wrong but it is wrong that I have been trying to hide. To hide away from God. Hide from the plan He has laid out. 

I always know when I'm hiding or running or refusing when my heart feels heavy and my relationship with Jesus just feels off. 

It scares me to think of that first call.

And the first placement.

And the first biological parent visit.

And the first time we have to say good bye.

I pray for our hearts.

For Olivia, Alex & Addison's hearts.

I pray for the hearts of the children that will enter our home & for their parents.

I know in my head His plans far outweigh my fears. I know that He has me in the palm of His hand....

But I also know...

"Katie, you are about to enter a storm but keep your eyes focused on me"

So while I have been stalling I know where we're headed. And even though I am scared, I will keep my eyes on Him.

Although the Lords gives you the bread of adversity & the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them whether you turn to the right or the left you will hear a voice behind you saying,

"THIS IS THE WAY, WALK IN IT"

Isaiah 30:20-21