Be Still

If you know Doug and I.
If you know our hearts.
Adoption resides there.
Growing our family.
Knowing that all HIS children should have a family.

And I finally sent in the request 
{again because the first time it apparently didn't go through}
I received the follow up email today

I didn't expect the reaction that happened after reading that email.
It was simple, just a few questions and some facts I didn't understand.
A children services language all their own.
I emailed back the social worker and then was told to call her.

I didn't expect what I heard.
No foster care to adoptions unless we are adopting children 10 or older.
In my head I had it perfectly planned.
Yes, it would not be easy or quick
But we would adopt a younger foster care child, not a baby, 
A toddler or young child.

Now our choices are foster care and then maybe adopt or a private agency.

That's not how I had it planned out.
No.
That does not fit my box.
My perfect adoption box.

Once I got off the phone with the social worker and then talked calmly with my husband.....

I cried. And cried. And cried.

I couldn't really put a finger on the crying. 
Was I disappointed. Mad. Angry. Hurt.
I was shaken. My plans.
MY.MY.MY.

But this is not about me.
It's about His glory.
And HIS children.

So instead I got to writing. 
Which by the way is no easy task when your insides and your outsides are shaking.
So sloppy journal writing occurred.

I asked for verses. I need His word.
Needed it so much.
And He gave them to me.

Romans 8:28 
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

Psalm 7:17
I will give thanks to the Lord because of His righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High.

Psalm 46:10 
BE STILL and know that I am God.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future"

Mark 16:15
Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.

Exodus 14:14
The Lord will fight for you; you need only BE STILL

John 14:18
I will not leave you as orphans: I will come to you

I know the answer isn't no. I know we have been called to adopt.
But maybe it's not now or I have better plans.
I will wait.
I will {try to} be still.
I will have faith.
I will pray. 
Pray for direction.
Pray for the child.