When you won't receive it

You know those days where you just feel like an utter mess.

Those days you think you'll never ever have it all together?

Why do I feel like I just keep having those days.

That every day is more of a smack in the face that

I don't handle people well.

I don't handle conflict.

I don't seem to say the right thing ever.

And yet today I'm reminded that even though I am a hot mess of a human

That I have yet to fully accept His grace.

I still pull back.

Because of those reasons above.

I feel like I will never measure up.

To be "that" christian.

That no matter how hard I try I will never measure up.

And the truth is that is true.

I never will.

I need His grace, like seriously need it.

Yet I keep pushing it away.

I keep trying to work for His grace.

Like I can't accept it until I reach some unattainable goal.

And the thing is I don't even know what that goal looks like.

But in my mind there is something I have to reach, to do, to be before I can receive it.

Today hit hard at church.

Hit real hard.

"Grace only works when we RECEIVE it"

Romans 2:4b

 God's kindness leads you to repentance

Immediately makes me think of this song

......Jesus dying on the cross, his blood everywhere was the covenant needed for me to be able to receive God's grace....no work, no "doing it all" mentality will change that.....