But is she even real

Last night was rough.

One of those nights going to bed wondering if I will ever get this life right.

Thinking I just don't want to do life right now.

Wondering if the endless debating will ever end.

And I if I will ever stop letting myself become so invested in it.

Going to bed thinking I wish I was more of the woman I like to pretend I am.

Wondering how am I going to be an effective foster mom.

Wishing I could be more like this person or that person.

Feeling an incredible amount of shame and anger and disgust.

Words.

They destroy.

Wishing I could be that wife.

That daughter in law.

That mom.

That woman.

The one who has it all together.

But is she even real?

Then this morning Addison woke at 4:30 scream crying.

It took me so long to fall asleep last night

and now this.

I thought no amount of coffee will help.

But Jesus.

No matter how much of a mess up I am.

Jesus is always faithful.

Especially in my weaknesses

{and don't ever let my blog, tweets, ig...whatever make you believe any less -- there are LOTS of them}

I may never handle debates well.

Or racism.

Or negativity towards foster care.

I don't have thick skin.

While at times I wish I could grow a thicker skin

This is who I am.

I am a mess.

But my Jesus 

He loves incredibly.

- - - - 

If we are faithless, He will remain faithful, for He cannot disown Himself.

-2 Timothy 2:13

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

-2 Corinthians 12:9