the here + now

I was excited. Nervous. Ready. So not ready. I arrived at the parking garage a little after 1:00 on Friday afternoon. I finally found a free spot in the parking garage and then I got my luggage out and headed on my walk to the hotel. If you don't know me I am terrible with directions. TERRIBLE I tell ya. Which means I got lost on the way to the hotel twice. On the way to the hotel I saw a beautiful sight,  Melody Joy & Phoebe , I was all determined to go right up to her and talk. And then I froze. Yep. Like I literally couldn't talk and stopped walking. It hit me. This is real life. These are women I know, but don't know. I felt so silly. I got to the hotel, when I finally found it, and checked in. I got my room cards and saw  Amy  {which by the way her blog is sweet home sb not sweethomes b ;)} and froze again. I knew I just needed to get to the room. I was sweating from walking around lost in Indy & being so overwhelmed. I chugged water and sat....

I am a yoga-pant wearer but I promise you & myself this weekend I'm wearing real clothes. I mean it's serious business when I have jeans and a blazer packed.  I love coffee, if you can't tell. Like a lot. So don't be surprised if every time you see me I have coffee in hand. There's a reason this blog tagline is "Where Jesus, COFFEE and chaos collide" I am shy at first. But I'm guessing the real me won't take long to come out. You might even have to tell me to shut up because I LOOOOVVVVEEEE to talk. There's a huge chance you will see me crying several times this week. I tend to feel deeply.  I will not stand still during that Saturday night worship time. Nope. I just can't stand still. I don't jump all over the place, but I must move to the music.  Yes I am completely open to you playing with my hair. For hours. Friday night I was suppose to be going to the married ladies dinner but now I'm going to ...

It's that time for my favorite link up! This week the Girl Behind the Blog is of course always with our beloved  Ashley  and my Buckeye lovin picture takin friend I will be meeting Thursday,  Megan ! Love you girls!! This week is about Comfort Zones Speaking of these comfort zones, I have had lighter hair for 8 months, whoosh this darker hair I'm having to get used to. By the way this is a close match to my natural hair, so forgot how dark it actually is.

I've heard people talk in the past to look at your relationship you have with your father and how it translates to the relationship you have with your Father. I always blew it off. That has nothing to do with me. I grew up apart from my dad the majority of my life. Actually it was more rare to see my dad. When I was 3 my parents split up. My mom packed us (her + my brother + me) and we headed back east to Ohio. With my dad in Idaho and us in Ohio, there was no contact. Actually I didn't see my dad again for two years. After that I was lucky if it was every 6 months. There was a time I wouldn't talk to him on the phone for about a year and when he came to visit I wouldn't see him. I was so hurt and damaged. He was gone in some major parts of my life when he was suppose to rescue me from people hurting me. I held him captive in a place of unforgiveness for a very long time. Don't worry friends we now have a relationship & I have forgiven him (a lot of that has...

This is how I want you to see me. Looking about 20 pounds (or more) less than I actually do, a filter photo to make my freckles look great, my hair flawless.  But in reality this is me There are enemies all around us Seeking to destroy us They come to tear our hearts apart And take away our joy. Some are just plain bothersome, Some invoke great fear. But non are near as devastating  As the enemy in the mirror. The evolution of this post is something only God could create. It's been going on for weeks. "People at this conference are not going to recognize you" "You pretend you're smaller than you are" "You are obese --- you are less than all the others" I have had this fear of meeting people and seeing the looks on their faces of  "Oh wow, you are really huge" I kept feeling the need to do a more "real me" photo. And then more fear. And then fear upon fear. Oh...what a mess. Th...

Recently I talked about my twins going to first grade was more a transition than I planned for. I imagined being able to breath a little more, having more time for cleaning, enjoying a quieter house. My imagination steered me wrong. I started falling into the darkness that we like to call depressed. I had to make changes. I talked with a few friends and decided I just can't be in my house all day waiting for these two all day long. {Sidenote, look how big they are getting!!!} I knew I had to engage.  And the thought entered I should try  MOPS  again. I fought that thought. No, last time I tried it for a year and once I left no one noticed and no one cared. I sat there surrounded by 50 women feeling so alone. I was surrounded by women who had their friends. Who had motherhood all together. I was a 21 year old, overwhelmed mother of twins attending a MOPS group at a church I grew up in, where when I was in youth group I was in the clique now I was on t...

If I'm being totally honest I am freaking out about going to Influence. I'm reading all these encouraging tips for going to a blog conference & tips from people who want last year. And I think oohhh these are good, oh that's good.... but THAT PERSON ISN'T ME.  And my weaknesses scatter all across my mind, discouraging this messy heart. I start to believe I shouldn't be there. Or that my pathetic frumpy wardrobe will be a big sticker that says stay away from me. Or the thought that these blogger friends don't really want to meet up for coffee, giggle, cry, hug {or for the non-huggers, a good handshake}  There's something that happens when you're on the move for something big in your heart, the enemy feeds lies like it's chocolate. And boy, do I take huge bites, because just like I indulge in chocolate, I indulge in the insecurity of those lies. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and liv...

If we were having coffee what would you tell me? Are we having a coffee chat at Influence Conference? Don't forget to link up your Coffee Date with  Alyssa There's no prompt just join in, I'd love to hear from you!

Because I have yet to write about it. The truth is our first placement rocked me to the core. It ruined me in a scary yet beautiful way. I learned how quickly I could fall in love with two children that I could not help. I learned how much Doug and I truly love each other. I learned to really tune into Alex, Olivia & Addison. I learned the absolute heartache of disruption, but the most important lesson I learned is how God has everything under control. Whenever I think of our first placement, I think of Romans 8:28.  Our agency gave us a break. They wouldn't call for placements. We were told most would have given up completely. Doug and I kept reassuring them to bring it on. You know sometimes people are so smart and know better than I do . We kept waiting for calls while living life. We have had two respit weekends that showed up how un-chaotic, yet still how exhausting it can be. And then we finally got a real placement call. And I froze. I couldn't say yes. The fear...

Hello if you don't know me I'm Katie I {obviously} blog here and you can find my instagram & twitter ---> Two things in my bag: 1. My cute little notebooks I found at Target and a variety of pens. I love pens. No seriously, you should see my pen + sharpie box.  2. My phone. I am a HUGE picture taker. I love taking pictures and using all the fun picture apps and posting pictures. If you love taking pictures come find me, we can have some instagram fun!!!  Two things I'm looking forward to: 1. Hugs & coffee with friends. Friends I've never technically met. Friends that I will never forget, that will be hard to leave, that just get me. 2. Learning. Learning more about who I am. About the amazing way God created me as a woman. Learning from all these wise women that live with realness and grace. Being filled with His word. See you in 2-ish weeks!!!

(No, this is not a sponsored post, just wanted to share about this cool find) Seattle's Best Coffee // Frozen Blends I saw these at Kroger the other day and thought I'd give it a try. Now I am not much of a blended coffee drinker, I'm more of an iced coffee drinker.  It's a cup of milk & contents of the bag, I split my bag in 1/2 because I knew I would be the only one drinking it. My husband is a rare when he actually needs it coffee drinker. And since you're going to blog about it -- might as well go all out with the yummy whip Conclusion: I still am not a huge fan of any blended coffee...but for a blended coffee this is very easy to make & yummy!!!! Also I should buy straws.

Every Saturday we drive pass this house. And every Saturday for the past month or two these people are cleaning out their garage. There's a lot of stuff in that little space. And today God spoke to me though that messy garage. That is my heart. So messy. I try and rearrange the mess. I try to clean it up to make it more acceptable to others. To God. I make new plans. I tear myself down for all that I am that is wrong and try by my own measly attempts to put myself back together. All I want to tell those people is get rid of the junk. Yes, He whispers. That is exactly why I still weigh what I weigh. That is exactly why day after day after day I feel insecure, and worthless, shameful, ugly..... I still carry all the junk. But what junk. What is the junk that I'm carrying around. The junk I need to throw away. The junk that no matter how hard I try to arrange it in my heart I'll come back with it all a mess again. This weekend I'm praying for knowledge & convi...

Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 On Tuesday morning at 5:30 Douglas and I woke and I quietly watched him prepare to walk out the door. I am always extra quiet before he leaves on a trip. I had the idea of him just being gone. I can't find shelter in those arms, or pick at him because he still can't seem to find the laundry basket at the end of a long day.  But I was determined. In my head I had this long to-do list of all the things I would accomplish as he was gone. This list was all the things I never seem to accomplish that I was to squeeze into 4 days while still having the normal cleaning to do, taking care of our 3 littles, making it to football practice & a marriage class. {Also having the privilege of squeezing in a coffee date with a wonderful friend} I guess looking back, even to this morning as I looked at the above verse on my daily bible verse calendar thinking, I don't need any rest, I need to clea...

I want these three littles to know how much I love them. How much my heart sings for joy when they sing & dance & smile. That when I have to discipline sometimes it just kills me. That I feel ridiculously spoiled to be their mother. But more than that I want them to know how much Jesus loves them. That no matter where they go He is there. So moms today let's not only say, "I love you" to our children but remember to tell them, "God loves you most." And don't forget to remind YOU of that simple truth.

I realized I haven't been sharing my recent recipes and I found out I had to share & my husband came up with the awesome food posts. Enjoy. And yes, most of what I've been making lately have been from Pinterest so might as make a whole series out of it. This is  Chicken & Kale Casserole Ingredients: -Salt & Pepper -Large pasta shells -2 tbls unsalted butter -I large onion diced -3 garlice cloves minced -2 bunches of kale -2 cups shredded chicken -48oz part skim ricotta -Lemon zest from 2 lemons -3/4 cup parmesan cheese Directions: -Preheat oven to 350 -In a large pot of boiling salted water cook pasta according to package directions -Drain, return to pot -In large skillet melt butter over medium-high heat -Add onion & garlic -Cook until onion is beginning to soften -Add kale cover & cook about 5 minutes -Transfer to (very) large mixing bowl -Stir is chicken, ricotta, lemon zest, 1/2 cup parmesan cheese...