Skip to main content

I said no

Because I have yet to write about it. The truth is our first placement rocked me to the core. It ruined me in a scary yet beautiful way. I learned how quickly I could fall in love with two children that I could not help. I learned how much Doug and I truly love each other. I learned to really tune into Alex, Olivia & Addison. I learned the absolute heartache of disruption, but the most important lesson I learned is how God has everything under control. Whenever I think of our first placement, I think of Romans 8:28. 

Our agency gave us a break. They wouldn't call for placements. We were told most would have given up completely. Doug and I kept reassuring them to bring it on. You know sometimes people are so smart and know better than I do. We kept waiting for calls while living life. We have had two respit weekends that showed up how un-chaotic, yet still how exhausting it can be.

And then we finally got a real placement call. And I froze. I couldn't say yes. The fear I had bottled up overflowed. I talked to one of the amazing women from my agency about how scared I was, I am.

In the deep of my heart I'm still saying yes. On the surface, where my fear lingers I cry out no, I can't do this. 

Thankfully God placed that YES deeper in my heart. I said no. I said no to children who needed a place to go. It kills me now. I hate that I let fear take over. 

But I completely believe and know God is still at work in my heart. We are not done. We are growing.


Comments

  1. You did the right thing. One child will not take the place of another, and if you arn't ready, the new children will suffer, you will suffer.

    Praying for healing of your heart. I've been there. I know that pain. You will get there.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Influence Link Up

Hello if you don't know me I'm Katie I {obviously} blog here and you can find my instagram & twitter ---> Two things in my bag: 1. My cute little notebooks I found at Target and a variety of pens. I love pens. No seriously, you should see my pen + sharpie box.  2. My phone. I am a HUGE picture taker. I love taking pictures and using all the fun picture apps and posting pictures. If you love taking pictures come find me, we can have some instagram fun!!!  Two things I'm looking forward to: 1. Hugs & coffee with friends. Friends I've never technically met. Friends that I will never forget, that will be hard to leave, that just get me. 2. Learning. Learning more about who I am. About the amazing way God created me as a woman. Learning from all these wise women that live with realness and grace. Being filled with His word. See you in 2-ish weeks!!!

The Influential Women Link Up

Today is the Influential Women Blog Link up. If you are a part of the Influence Network -- get on it!!! Honestly at first I didn't think I would link up, me, influential?! I don't think so. But I am. God uses me daily and will continue to use me.  - - - - - - - - -  Three Things About Myself: 1. I love Taco Night. If you already know me personally you would know this about me. But seriously I love it! And let me tell you I can put some tacos back. Our best friends and us have actually started Taco Tuesday so on Tuesdays we make tacos. Now we're just at a point of trying to make it a healthier Taco Tuesday. 2. I love music so much. I love to dance. I love to sing. I love to be surrounded by music. If you stop by my house there's a 95% chance you will hear music being played. I love Pandora because I can just put on whatever station for the mood I'm in.  Current favorite Pandora stations: Kari Jobe (I don't think that'll ever change), Jerem...

Girl Behind The Blog

Its link up time Of all the link ups I've been involved with this is my favorite! Melody // Dance Parties In The Rain Rachael // Kincaid Parade Rachel // Finding Joy Come link up with  Ashley  and  Nadine for this month's Girl Behind The Blog