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Part Seven

Communication started back up.
And I was invited to their home.
I was terrified.
I was honest, how am I supposed to not be mom but be like an aunt. How could I do that.
We started meeting up with all the kids.
I kept encouraging.
Mothers Day just about killed me.
I put on all the brave face I could.
I kept reminding myself how lucky I was with the three kids that I birthed, but she was missing. She wasn't with me.
I sent her aunt a mother's day text because no matter how much I hurt, she was the one caring for Z, she was the one loving her. She was the one dealing with her added trauma.

Every time after a visit my heart fell apart.
Everything hurt.
Everything felt wrong.
And I cried a lot.
This girl, the loss of her was so heavy, but I had to face that this was how life was now. That the time she had with us was special but it was over.



Or was it?

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