Part Two

Eventually that caseworker did come.
She came and I thought I would love her forever.
Instead I ended up hating her and wishing that God would never ever allow me to see her face.

She came.
She was sweet.
And right off the bat she told us we had to go through the process but that permanency would happen for her.

Just in case you don't know, T H A T is a caseworker no-no.
The goal is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS reunification.
Always. Until it is not.
Until it's not doesn't happen easily.
And does not happen until after parental rights are revoked, which is a process.

Visits started which started some un fun behaviors for Z baby.
Which included throwing up after visits and biting.
Trauma ain't no joke sista friend.
It's fierce and nasty. It will be triggered at the littlest or biggest things.

     {Tiny PSA, if you are a foster parent, thinking about it, work with people in any capacity---
       you NEED the book The Body Keeps The Score.}

She adjusted well into our life.
This is not as easy task for a child who has been ripped from the only family + home she knows.
Honestly, it's a freaking miracle that she adjusted so well.
But all of the sudden she was blossoming.
The once sleeping all day, afraid to play on the floor, zoned out child was suddenly becoming full of life, silly as can be and loved to play.

Also bath time became a favorite.
She went from trying to scratch the life off of my face to loving bath time.

Time kept moving forward and then eventually things happened to where mama could no longer see her babies. I was torn. I was so heartbroken for her mama, but also felt justice for her kids.