Today is your birthday

Today is your third birthday.

My heart feels heavy.

In your short three years of life you have been in three different homes and will be headed to a fourth. Four different ways of life. Four different sets of people.

I had so much hope that by today we would be celebrating you in our new home. 

That they would have placed you with us.

Because why wouldn't they?

We bonded with you and you bonded with us.

We stayed in contact with you after you were removed from our home.

You still call us mommy and daddy.

But what makes sense to us isn't how children services feels is what is best.

Because we had to make the incredibly hard decision to not say yes to your brother, we are not chosen for your forever.

Instead you will move (that's how it's looking right now) to another new family in the hometown I grew up in.

Literally of all the cities and towns in Ohio, it has to be this one.

I will never stop looking for you when I go

And my heart will break every time knowing you are there and not with us.

My heart will always be an ocean for you Zee baby. 

But I will pray. I will pray for your transition that again is being forced upon you.

I will pray for bonding and love and hard work from the women you will go live with.

I will continue to be praying forever for you.