Wednesday, April 24, 2013

But is she even real


Last night was rough.
One of those nights going to bed wondering if I will ever get this life right.
Thinking I just don't want to do life right now.
Wondering if the endless debating will ever end.
And I if I will ever stop letting myself become so invested in it.
Going to bed thinking I wish I was more of the woman I like to pretend I am.
Wondering how am I going to be an effective foster mom.
Wishing I could be more like this person or that person.
Feeling an incredible amount of shame and anger and disgust.
Words.
They destroy.
Wishing I could be that wife.
That daughter in law.
That mom.
That woman.
The one who has it all together.

But is she even real?

Then this morning Addison woke at 4:30 scream crying.
It took me so long to fall asleep last night
and now this.
I thought no amount of coffee will help.
But Jesus.
No matter how much of a mess up I am.
Jesus is always faithful.
Especially in my weaknesses
{and don't ever let my blog, tweets, ig...whatever make you believe any less -- there are LOTS of them}

I may never handle debates well.
Or racism.
Or negativity towards foster care.


I don't have thick skin.
While at times I wish I could grow a thicker skin
This is who I am.

I am a mess.
But my Jesus 
He loves incredibly.

- - - - 

If we are faithless, He will remain faithful, for He cannot disown Himself.
-2 Timothy 2:13

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
-2 Corinthians 12:9





4 comments:

  1. He. Is. SO. Faithful. Always.

    I appreciate your openness in this post! It's true how faithful and good He is even when we aren't. Also, one of my besties has a tattoo that says "Steady My Heart" based on that song. :)

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    Replies
    1. Isn't it amazing and so comforting to know how faithful He is?!!! Thanks for stopping by.

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  2. Thinking of you girl! I have had moments where I have felt that too, just sit in His presence and remember all that He says you are.

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