the here + now

We foster a teen mom. In order to get to this point God had to do a work in my heart. He had to bring me to a point of compassion. Then he placed an opportunity in front of me. I had the choice to say no or say "YES God" Last Thursday we received confirmation of the question that has been lingering....will she age out. I knew that was highly likely, but like every other case, things can change quickly, at anytime, with no warning. But things can also keep going as they are. In my fear I began googling.  "Foster teen aging out" "How to find a mentor for foster teen aging out" Let me tell you, these do not give very warm readings.  Instead you read facts like: *12-30% will become homeless *40-60% will not finish high school *25-55% are unemployed *18-26% incarcerated Not what a mama heart wants to read as she is trying how to best spend the next year. ONE year. That's all I've got. One year to prepare her. One year to do my best ...

God has called you and you have chosen to say yes. First CONGRATS & second, I'm sending you a virtual hug. The deep hug of understanding. This road is not easy. There are days of deep heartache, but there are also days where God says "this is why you're in this, why I have chosen you & why you are and will continue to struggle with them through this season" A few things you might want to know: 1. The waiting can seem endless. Unexplained. Weird. But the waiting is not in vain. 2. When you finally say yes, if you happen to have honeymooning, enjoy it, but know when it ends it's going to feel like a Thor type hammer smacking you in the face. 3. Imagine your child (if you are already a parent) going into foster care. I don't know about you, but that helps, because I can only imagine the way my kids would act if they were thrown into the world of foster care. 4. When you have a child or children there will be times where you feel like you a...

2 Common issues with most children in foster care. 1. SLEEP  And all the foster mamas said Amen!!! Sleeping is very difficult for a lot of children in care the first few nights, weeks or months. It's a new place, a new bed, new dark.  It's will you still be here in the morning? Will you hurt me in the middle of the night? 2. Lying This is very common. There are many reasons for this. One big one is lack of trust. Do you think just because you love Jesus and you're "nice" that they're going to trust you? Nope, ain't (yes I just used that) going to happen. Children will lie out of fear of what will happen if they tell the truth. Will they be hurt? Will their bio parents get in trouble? There are many struggles you will run into. These two are very very very common and will need to be worked through. 

It's been one year since we became licensed foster parents. One year ago that we were on a high to change the world. From the beginning of this journey God has given me a tenderness for birth parents. From the beginning I knew it would be hard. But our one year anniversary also brings on heartache & pain. Because one year ago, two little boys, who I will forever remember stepped foot into my home. Two little boys that were so abused it all had to come spilling out. One year ago, we went through the hardest 7 days of our lives. One year ago we experienced our first placement, our first experience with county & agency workers & our first disruption. Since then my heart broke. I said lots of no's because I was living in fear of going through the same thing again. But God used other foster parents to help bring me to healing. The truth is I will never forget those boys. I still have the fake flower they have me on my microwave. Whenever I think of them, my eyes still ...

What I have learned mothering a teen who is not mine: 1. Those tough things that you would grill your kids about easily, doesn't come so easily. It means a sit down talk that can be quite tense, but needs to be filled with love 2. If you ever plan on parenting a teen, biologically yours or brought to your heart, don't forget what it was like to be a teen. Now image being pulled from your home into an environment not your own.  3. Music. Oh gosh. It really just does get worse and worse. There's a time & a place for that music. Filling littles ears with those words are not ok, but when the littles aren't in the car, let them be in their world.  4. Speaking of cars, a car ride for a baby & toddlers is like instant nap, for teen girls it's instant real talk. It's odd. But so wonderful. 5. It's tough. Like super duper, I literally have no idea what I'm doing but I'm super duper trying. 6. Love. They really need it. The tough act, is th...

Pretend case so you know how it works from where we sit. //////// 1. A call is made to children services about --- let's go with possible abuse. 2. The person answering will determine if this needs immediate action, within the next 2 days or next week. 3. A worker goes to a home to assess what is going on. They can decide that the child or children need to have an emergency removal, work with the family unit is needed or they see no cause for concern. 4. Let's say emergency removal is needed. //// The worker explains why the child (or children) is being removed.  5. The parent has the option to pack up things for them, this often happens in the form of a trash bag. 6. The child or children are taken to the children services office. 7. Emails and calls are made 8. Our agency calls us with referral. The worker will explain what county the child is from, their age, situation and any known medical & behavioral issues. 9. At that point the ball is in our court to say...

Guys let me be honest. I talk very passionately about foster care & knowing God has called us here. Rainbows & sunshine. Not really. It is in our hearts. We're here. We are present.  We aren't walking away. But guys, some days it's just HARD. Bringing in children who you didn't birth. Children that you will fall in love with, knowing they just can't wait until the judge finally says "it's time to go home" Children who you have not raised. The appointments, and meetings and visits. The lack of communication. People making decisions about these children who do not live with them, do not see the need for this or that. People who make a decision & sometimes you do want to punch them in the face. And other days you're so thankful you do not have that burden. I've never been so thankful for social workers. I've also discovered. NO WAY. Would I ever want to be a social worker.  But there's...

I have asked my friend, Natalie, to come share about Safe Families.  My husband and I began an international adoption of twin boys when the timeline for completion was right around one years. Twelve whole months. It was to go quickly, and they would be in our home. Baby showers were generously held for us. We started thrifting some essentials. I bought way too many little boy clothes. And then we began to see the timeline grow. More delays. Another six months. All the while, our hearts were aching for these two boys to be in our home. But more than that, we realized we were aching to have children in our home. To parent children from hard places. And we realized they didn't even have to be "ours." We had all the necessities, so what should we do? I'm a social worker in the foster care system. Foster care was on our minds. But my husband's schedule as a med student and now medical resident didn't lend well to foster parent training. Or the full-time, ex...

I listened about her case. My heart broke as to be expected. And we said yes. Then I went into a fit of hysteria. While this would be nice to be just an exaggeration. I scream cried. I questioned God A LOT. How can I care for a teen mom? And not only care for her but "you'll need to teach her to mother also"? Then we waited. We waited for the phone call after court.  She wasn't coming, a family member stepped up!!  I had decided after that call that we were not called to foster teen moms, that it was just a situation where God was seeing if I would say yes. And then a week later...... We got another call.  That was the call. After months of nothing. After weeks of several calls daily. This was it. I could feel it in my bones. I was ready to fight for them & never felt so un-nervous about a possible placement.  It's been a ride. A beautiful one. We've had our ups and our downs. I've had days wonder why God thought I could moth...

"You know God is going to lead us to foster teens, I know it, we're just waiting on you to know it" the mr. - - - - - -  When Doug and I first started taking our classes we decided on ages 2-7, we felt done with the baby stage & we wanted the children to be Alex and Olivia's age or younger.  But then God started working through others to push us to lower our ages, so we decided to lower our ages 0-7, to do this another home inspection has to be done. While our home inspector was here Doug asked her if there are any children they've been having a hard time placing. "yes, actually 'the county we live in' is trying to find a home for a teen mom and her baby."  You know that feeling. That feeling where you feel like someone threw a baseball bat at your stomach and God is standing on your head at the same time? That happened. I pulled myself together, looked at Doug and said no. But the moment our inspector left, you k...

Guest Post from Christy //// May is National Foster Care Awareness Month In honor of  Foster Care Awareness Month , many foster parents are taking the opportunity to talk about their experiences as foster parents and offer some tangible, relevant, constructive ideas for how folks can help make things better for the little ones in the system. Today, I'd like to  talk about school pictures.  "School pictures?" you  say? Yes, school pictures. I had an experience last week that was very emblematic of the way kids in foster care simply miss out on some of the things most of us just take for granted. We got our two kids in January, and we are the third foster home they have been in since September. When they arrived at our house, they came with TWO car-fulls of "stuff." Clothes, toys, and papers in plastic garbage bags and old diaper boxes. It has taken me all this time to finally sort through it all. Last week, I discovered a three-ring binder from my foster son...

Every month there are causes people get all passionate about. May is the I talk about month because it's national foster care awareness month and if you've been reading my blog for any amount of time you know I'm not only passionate about foster care but I am in the thick of it. To start this month off I want to share how we got here.  Doug and I always talked openly about adoption. After having Addison we choose for me to have to  Essure procedure  done, which is a permanent birth control. It wasn't long after that we started discussing adoption. Everything seemed to start pointing to orphan care for me. It was one of those "Ok, God enough already" type things. I decided to call our county office because Doug and I had discussed that we wanted to adopt from foster care. Or so we thought. My adoption box was busted how I thought it would work wasn't actually how it works.  "You can either go through a private agency, lawyer or become foster pa...

These are in no particular order, just tips I'm learning, share yours!! 1. Take lots of deep breaths 2. When a child asks to help, stop being so controlling & just say YES, it doesn't matter how it gets just done just that it does get done.  3. Kiss your husband & make sure you two are having sex. You need it & so does he. Sometimes you just gotta force yourself to, you'll be happier. 4. Drink lots of coffee because that's my answer for everything 5. Buy dry shampoo. Motherhood often means showers are towards the end of the list 6. Take walks, go play outside, toss a ball, roll in the grass. Fresh air does amazing things for moods of all ages. 7. Let go of comparisons 8. It's ok to order pizza more than once a week 9. Have family over & don't stress because your floor hasn't been mopped in over a week (and yes I totally screenshot this from snapchat, thanks Layna!) 10. Make time for yourself, this is the ...

When we started talking to our family & friends about the possibility of becoming foster parents a question was always asked in regards to Olivia, Alex & Addison. "Why would you do that to your kids?" "How are you going to foster with your own kids?' "How do they feel about it" ///// To be honest, that first question was asked more than once and every time it's asked I have to keep my arm from releasing the full force I'm feeling inside. But the truth is foster care in so many aspects is not a positive thing. God did not design us to have our children taken & he did not design for siblings to be torn apart.  This is not His design, but it happens. A LOT. I tweeted out that today I was going to write about foster care because when you have been severely neglecting your blog you have to force yourself to sit & write.  Question : How do you help your bio littles understand that a placement can be short or...

Blog land started becoming so much more beautiful when people really started sharing their stories. The storms they've walked through, the seasons they are in, the fears about the future. So much has been about sharing your story without fear. Sharing your story and ignore the naysayers. Share your story & others will so get where you are at or where you've been. But sometimes sharing the story you are currently living gets a little grey area. For me, most of my current story I cannot share. Because my story right now is so much their story. For two children I fell in love with the moment they showed up in that red car packed with their belongings. That everyday I fall more in love & everyday I have to remind myself and prepare my heart for the time when they step out our door.  Fostercare is many things, but sharing their story is not something for me to share. 

The things God calls us to rarely make sense. Instead it's an act of faith.  The things God is leading you to, can make other people look at you like you have 3 heads or may need to be admitted. And at the end of the day, week, month & years it's all about Him, all about His glory, His story, His grace. I am so thankful to be part of that story. What I have learned, is God gently & sometimes not so gently leads us to the places to go. If it keeps coming to your mind and it is something completely crazy but you can see God's hand in it, girl you betta get to praying.  We have stepped into a season of what you & others will think is completely crazy, but without a doubt in my mind God has lead us here. To this exact timing, His will.  Would you join in & praying for our family and to the two that have been lead to our home?

About a year and a half ago Doug and I seriously started considering adoption and eventually we were lead to foster care. The day I read this verse is the day I first received an email back from a county worker, it may not seem like a big deal, but in my wondering, hopeful, scared heart, it was a big deal to me.  On June 24th we will celebrate 1 year of our foster care license. We have been in it just shy of 9 months. Two placements & two handfuls of respit. And day by day my heart breaks more & more. If you are a human being watch this video. You may not feel like God is leading you to orphan care and that's ok, God has something different for you, but just for knowledge watch this because you may be a teacher in a third grade class or a photographer attempting to do a shoot of mis-matched faces, an onlooker at the grocery while a 4 year old screams profanities you feel guilty if you even think them or the Sunday school teacher. ReMoved from HESCHLE ...

Because I have yet to write about it. The truth is our first placement rocked me to the core. It ruined me in a scary yet beautiful way. I learned how quickly I could fall in love with two children that I could not help. I learned how much Doug and I truly love each other. I learned to really tune into Alex, Olivia & Addison. I learned the absolute heartache of disruption, but the most important lesson I learned is how God has everything under control. Whenever I think of our first placement, I think of Romans 8:28.  Our agency gave us a break. They wouldn't call for placements. We were told most would have given up completely. Doug and I kept reassuring them to bring it on. You know sometimes people are so smart and know better than I do . We kept waiting for calls while living life. We have had two respit weekends that showed up how un-chaotic, yet still how exhausting it can be. And then we finally got a real placement call. And I froze. I couldn't say yes. The fear...

This word has been a major taunting in our minds lately. I started thinking upon what exactly it means to fail and more importantly failing in Jesus' eyes. - - - -  Disruption. It's a yucky, terrible word. You know when people talk about a word or words they hate, I always thought there wasn't really a word I hate. I now have a word I hate. For the meaning. For what it means to a child or children. And that sometimes it just has to happen. The past few days disruption & failure have been a major theme. It's been hard. Very hard. Yesterday was a day spent crying and not being able to fully talk about all the swirling & head bashing my insides were doing.  I was so beyond disgusted with those close to us being so supportive & understanding. I just wanted someone to tell me I screwed up & that Jesus was disappointed in me. No, that's not a usual response to life But yesterday, that is exactly how I felt. How could He not...

Why vague --- because the details are not necessary - - - - - - - - - -  Woah!!! Life has been a whirlwind. You know all those pre-licensing classes you have to take --- ummm they sort of actually don't prepare you as much as I thought they would. Listening to all the stories, especially the horror stories, would have been a good idea. Knowing Jesus has my hand through it all slightly makes me angry why we are here, yet so comforting to know His plans far outweigh anything I could think or imagine. I never knew how deeply Doug and I would lean on each other, and make sure emotionally & mentally we are ok like we do now. I am so thankful for all the encouragement and prayers we have received because they are so needed and are honey to our souls. I have had to learn to live with a messy home. I mean, before I wasn't satisfied...but now, well my poor little idea of the cleaning schedule has been thrown right out the window. I know in time things will adjust ...