One year ago

It's been one year since we became licensed foster parents. One year ago that we were on a high to change the world. From the beginning of this journey God has given me a tenderness for birth parents. From the beginning I knew it would be hard. But our one year anniversary also brings on heartache & pain. Because one year ago, two little boys, who I will forever remember stepped foot into my home. Two little boys that were so abused it all had to come spilling out. One year ago, we went through the hardest 7 days of our lives. One year ago we experienced our first placement, our first experience with county & agency workers & our first disruption.

Since then my heart broke. I said lots of no's because I was living in fear of going through the same thing again. But God used other foster parents to help bring me to healing. The truth is I will never forget those boys. I still have the fake flower they have me on my microwave. Whenever I think of them, my eyes still fill with tears. When I pray for them, God wraps my heart. I will always feel thankful for having them in our lives, to open our eyes wider than before, and I will always feel the let down that I failed them. 

I'm thankful for a God who knew how this all would play out. That took the brokenness and pushed me to more of him and put those 2 boys in a family who could do the hard work necessary.