Wednesday, August 7, 2013

My Story /// World Breastfeeding Week

It's World Breastfeeding Week.
And I'm going to share my story.
My story of struggle.

When I was pregnant with Alex and Olivia I was in my sophomore year of college and one of my classes was Nutrition. Serious love/hate relationship I had with that class. Awesome, but tough. The best part was having to learn about breastfeeding and do a research project on breastfeeding.

I was determined to breastfeed them. I took a breastfeeding class at WIC and was so determined. When they were born they both latched well. I felt like a pro. 
The struggles started at day one with them because I had nurses who fed my babies formula when I said no formula and a lactation consultant who told me it would be impossible for me to exclusively nurse twins.
What the lc was true but for reasons unknown to her very negative self.

We dealt with thrush and some strange pain I could never understand.
I tried.
But I never went and got help.
I told everyone and their brother I was going to breastfeed whether they liked it or not. And I was seriously failing. My boobs were in pain and my babies were drinking formula mostly. I hated it. 
We did this on and off for 3 months before I finally completely gave up.

And then

We found out we were expecting Addison. And I started researching like crazy. I wanted to know everything I could possibly know. For several reasons, I wanted to feed my baby breast milk. Yes it is best, doesn't mean formula is some satanic product, it's just science, it's best and I want to as best I can give my kids what is best for them. I wanted to prove I could do it. And I really didn't want to have to pay for formula, because yo that stuff is expensive.

And then we were blessed with our precious Addie Boo.
And about 20 minutes after she was born I nursed and felt so elated. It was going well, except her latch. That girl did not want to open her mouth, but my amazing nurse{No, seriously Mercy Fairfield has THE BEST NURSES IN THE WORLD} and the lactation consultant (when she could actually get to my room) helped so much. The second night (I had a long stay, that's a post for another day) she nursed allllll night. My nurse came in and I was bawling and she explained that it was normal. 

And then we were finally home. I was dealing with a swollen body post blood transfusion & trying to adjusting twins to life with a new baby & breastfeeding.
The world started to crash all around me.
This wasn't working.
She would nurse for 30-40 minutes and then just scream.
I kept trying.
One night I was in so much pain I was crying and muffling screams I ran to the garage, pulled open a trash bag and pulled out that unopened can of formula Enfamil sent and fed her. She was content. I was a mess.
The next day or so, I don't really remember Douglas headed out and bought me a pump to see if it would help with my massive pain.
And then I blamed her latch and we got a nipple shield.
And then I threw my hands in the air and called the hospital and talked to the the lactation consultant, who referred me to Children's hospital...because they have a breastfeeding doctor...a what?
A pediatrician who is also a lc so she can work with both of us.

There she checked me, then weighed Addie, watched as she nursed, adjusted her latch and then weighed her again.

2 ounces.
That is it.
See she had this amazing scale that could actually show how much Addison had eaten. That was all she got out of two boobs.
I was all teary eyed.
I wasn't crazy.
There really was a problem.
Vasospasms + Insufficient Granular Tissue.

Once I had answers I could go from there.
For me...That meant lots of hot showers to help with the releasing the breast milk, hot compress on me while nursing and having to buy formula and supplement.
She would nurse and I would have formula and water ready to mix for her. Some feedings would be heavenly and some not so much. 

This was one of the very rare times she nursed and then fell asleep.
I mean seriously, is that face not the sweetest?!!!

I nursed her until she was 6 months old. We were in the middle of moving into a condo while our house was being built. One day of no nursing and I basically dried all up.

Check out these posts for other stories and if you share your story let me know


  1. So happy you got to bf Addi! I know breastfeeding w/o issues can be hard and they made it seem like it'd be SO easy, I almost gave up a few times in the 1st few months because of it.

  2. So glad you were open to share your story! Breastfeeding has been the hardest for me! Seriously, I cried more over my issues with BF than I did from having an unexpected C-Section. There was so much they don't tell you, and it is way harder than I thought. But I've been determined to keep moving almost 8 weeks into it I feel like I am finally getting the hang of it. But so many people need to know they're not alone in it all! So it's great you shared your story! Also, I love the new blog look! I am finally just getting back into the blog world as things are somewhat slowing down, so I may be a bit late! I hope you are doing well!

  3. That face...I'm dying. So sweet.
    Breastfeeding is so hard, and I do hope that sharing these stories helps all of us moms remember that there are several healthy ways to feed a baby. We will go through a LOT to give them what we feel is best, won't we? I had a really hard time with my first and expected the second to be easier. It was, but the first few weeks were still so painful I would get anxious as feeding time crept up.

    Came over from SDJ's Live Your Story link up!