Wednesday, September 18, 2013

What I want you to see & What's real

This is how I want you to see me. Looking about 20 pounds (or more) less than I actually do, a filter photo to make my freckles look great, my hair flawless. 

But in reality this is me

There are enemies all around us
Seeking to destroy us
They come to tear our hearts apart
And take away our joy.
Some are just plain bothersome,
Some invoke great fear.
But non are near as devastating 
As the enemy in the mirror.

The evolution of this post is something only God could create.
It's been going on for weeks.
"People at this conference are not going to recognize you"
"You pretend you're smaller than you are"
"You are obese --- you are less than all the others"
I have had this fear of meeting people and seeing the looks on their faces of
 "Oh wow, you are really huge"

I kept feeling the need to do a more "real me" photo. And then more fear. And then fear upon fear. Oh...what a mess.
Then today I wrote on Nadie's blog about the conversation in my mirror yesterday & decided I had to do a post explaining that I am actually much bigger than I share.

And then the She Reads Truth devotional today and the big message being YOU ARE GREATLY LOVED.

To the finding of this book after story time at the library

This book has been speaking life into me today. This book addresses all the crap. The crazy thoughts, oh those crazy thoughts  The never ending cycle of up and down.

And here it is.
Yes I'm a big girl. I wear a size 14 barely  and long tanks are my best friends. 
I got a big booty and an alien attached to where abs apparently are suppose to be.

My heart and these weight/body issues are all a mess.
But God is preparing a break through I've been feeling it for awhile but feeling lost as to where God is directing me. 


  1. You are beautiful girl, in more ways than one. Nobody should care what you look like, but only care about you're heart. I know this was big to post, it was probably a war inside. I am proud of you. You're awesome!

    1. You know it was the most difficult yet the most freeing

  2. I absolutely ADORE your heart that is so willing and open to share!!! You are an absolutely BEAUTIFUL lady inside & out!! Praying for your fears today, friend!!xoxo

    1. Thank you Katlin for your prayers and kind words

  3. alright so here's the deal. you just need to hush that mouth of yours because KATIE YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL! for real.
    it is so hard though no matter what we do, as women, there's always a list of things we want to change. we all have them. but girl, God has made you and i like this for a reason. you rock on with that big booty girl cause those of us flat butts would love some ;) sometimes my jeans just go straight down. well they used to, and then i got married hahah. love you sweet girl see you IN A WEEK!

  4. My friend wrote that book. She's awesome and so is the book. Love you just like you are!b

  5. You're beautiful & I'm so glad I got to meet you- even if my brain forgot that I met you temporarily. :)