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Originally when I came home I planned to write out this beautiful post tying all the things together, being able to accurately explain all the Influence Conference offered me. The way the Lord found me low and raised my up. How I went to the conference expecting to come back with renewed mothering skills and magically become super wife. The truth is those two things did not happen. At all. Actually when I came back crying all the tears had drained me. A lot. I wanted to jump back into the motherhood game rejuvenated ready to conquer all the hard things. I kept reminding myself a phrase I learned there
And I kinda settled there, giving bits of grace but feeling like I should be doing. Not resting in this. But this is exactly where some growth has come. Learning to actually need Him more than that third cup of coffee. Learning. As in I am still so far from actually living from those words.
There will be no magical post but I do want to share some of what I took away.
On Friday morning I joined IN REAL LIFE She Reads Truth ladies for a morning devotion where we did not actually do the plan for that day but God through Amanda took us somewhere else. Believe me it was preparing our hearts in a major way, preparing us for the wrecking that was about to take place.
For session two it was between Jessica Thompson who helped write Give Them Grace with her mom. This is the one. This one did me in. Of all the time during that quick weekend. This is the one that truly wrecked my thoughts of who I am and lead me to a deeper understanding of God.
There is honestly so much I could share from this session, but this is huge for me.
Saturday morning Jessi Connolly spoke and if you know me at all then you know I was super excited. Since finding her on twitter & reading her blog I always have felt like she is just one of those people that can speak straight to my heart. And God delivered!
Jessi spoke on feminine influence. I thought to myself most days, I'm in a tank, yoga pants, a long sleeve t & some fuzzy socks, I am so not feminine. I hate pretty much all jewelry except earrings. I mean, I do love makeup but.....
But God busted it all. As usual.
As I said at the top I expected a renewing of myself as a wife & a mother but God has different plans, I guess those things weren't His focus. His focus was to start really working on lies. Lies that I wrestle with daily. To put deep in my heart the knowing in the head and knowing in the heart that He really does love me, loves all the parts, that He finds me lovely and calls me His beloved.
What I took away, as the core of this conference:
I did nothing over that weekend about developing my blog. About doing better at my instagram pictures, or tweeting only the important things. I didn't start dreaming big ideas within my humble online presence, instead it was a work God needed to do deep, there was no room over the weekend for the extra.
I may continue to be processing all the way till the next conference, which I pray I will be able to attend again.