Thursday, February 27, 2014

Joy is in motherhood

When I was younger, my dream was to marry Douglas and become a mom. At nineteen (a month before I turned 20) I married that boy and a year later we had our twins. 

I fulfilled those dreams. But they were not how I planned. I don't know what I really expected marriage to be, because after 8 1/2 years I can tell you it's tough & beautiful & harder than I ever imagined & full of God's grace. And motherhood is different but alike in a way. Along the way I have lost my joy for motherhood. When Alex and Olivia were babies I would say I was thriving in motherhood. I felt lost as who Katie was, but as a mother I was winning or so I felt. Along the way I tried this and that. I believed this lie and that lie. To where I felt like I was dying to go back to work. To wish away these precious years.

At the beginning of this year I knew my joy had been depleted. I was living motherhood as something to dread, something to be stressed about over every detail. But I am learning to find joy in the good and the hard.

The conversation in the drop off line for school shocked my heart.

Olivia: Mom, will you ever work?
Me: Probably, once Addie is in school, do you want me to?
{{this shocked, SHOCKED, me}}
Me: You don't want me to work Alex?
Alex: No, I want you to be home

To anyone that can be just a conversation, to me, it was like God took me and shook me and said "see what you do matters"

Moms, I know it's hard. We start to believe the lies. The lies that say you're not a good enough wife, a bad mom, you're not doing enough for your community, that you are ugly, that you are worthless without a paycheck but God says you are chosen, for this. You are made for this!

Empty the lies, fill the truth.
Look into their eyes. Joy is all around. Joy is in the scrubbing the carpets after a smoothie spill, joy is in the washing of the dishes, joy is in the taking a forgotten lunch box to school, joy is in the sleep fighting, joy is in the handprints on the wall, joy is in the dance parties.

1 comment:

  1. Love love love this. Being a mother is one of the most important jobs in the world and in my opinion it is work…very valuable work! I hate that it isn't viewed as that by society. Enjoy your sweet babies. We are expecting our first in June and I cannot wait to start being a mommy!