What I wanted to tweet "dear moms of 5 give me tips because I'm dying"
But the truth is, it isn't the kids.
It's not teen that has made my mothering grow and change. It isn't the twins that have adjusted more amazingly that I thought. It's not the toddlers that string toys in every inch of the main floor.
It's the stress of appointments, and everyone on the team. It's people outside of our little circle. It's the knowing that my husband will be gone later this month for a week. It's the lies that are telling me that I am failing each and everyone of these children. It's the lies that I am not doing this well. That there are not enough hours in the day, nor enough energy running through my body.
And that's where I'm at right now. I see God's hand in the journey to this exact place. I see the seeds of compassion and love and passion and grace He has gifted me with. I love each of these children deeply. When the day comes and the two who are not of my flesh & blood leave I will grieve. But today I am tired. Today I don't know how I can possibly attempt to do all the things. Today I wash dishes by hand because my dishwasher broke. But as I wash each dish I pray. I pray that He continues to walk us through. I pray that my heart can be softened to those who can't understand.
My God is still God even when I react terribly to a tough situation.
My God is still God when He brings children to bury in our hearts that we know will one day walk out.
My God is still God when the dishwasher breaks and I'm figuring out how to wash dishes by hand for a family of 7.