Saturday, October 11, 2014

I gave a weak answer

I'm sitting in a room with my husband and two other couples. Not just couples, but our friends we sit with every Sunday at church. We finally started a small group. These women are the type of women I want to surround myself with. They love Jesus, they love their kids, they are peaceful & gentle. They have their messy stories.


"Give one high & one low from your week"
Ok I can do this.
Wait.
There's a lot of lows.
Like I could share about the meltdown I had in my closet before coming where I cried out to Jesus asking Him to bring me home because I'm just no good at this wifey/mommy/foster mom/every one else I try to be thing.
Or maybe how I fake yelled outside (I live in the suburbs, I for real yell and people will wonder) the other day because I had it with disrespect from children and I was sick of having to parent.
Or how I struggle daily with being a joyful mom.

Ok, I'll just let everyone else answer first.
Husband just said his high was something about me, me. Oh gosh, yep, I easily forget how much he really does love me.

Then it's my time.
Be real. No they don't want your real. You need to be real.

"My low was my emotions are all over the place (really Katie, everyones emotions are all over the place) and my high is all the kids are alive (really that's the best you can give?)
----> cue laughter

I have a few feelings with how I answered
1) Sometimes for me I handle situations with trying to add laughter.
2) We just started this small group. These are a wonderful group of people. But I don't want to be that needy person. The one who is always a mess. That person.
3) Is it so terrible to show that I am needy. Needy for God, needy for prayer, needy for deep connection.

Being raw is tough.
I love and crave deep conversations & we got into it.
But going to that next step, deeper, more real.
Whoosh. Are people really ready for that?
Can relationships really grow without it?

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