Monday, August 27, 2012

I'm in such an odd place right now.
This wanting to be more.
To love more.
To do more.
I have been praying for a servant's heart like crazy lately.
Partially due to the new babysitting gigs I have going on.
Let's be honest, extra kids requires a servant's heart.
{Teachers who actually love their job - you've got it going on!!!}
I want to help where I can with what I have.
And there's this whole feeling lonely thing.
Who know having and keeping friends would be so difficult as an adult.
I'm not sure what is wrong with me, 
but there always seems to be someone better.
So I wait.
I wait on God.
Because seriously, I want His blessing.
I want Him to bring me that one or two or three true friends that will stick closer than a brother.
I {very impatiently} wait on Him.
I pray.
I cry.
I scream.
And in my being completely unglued I feel broken.
    By the way when I lost it the other day my son made me a giant red heart. It was the      sweetest, most 
   caring gesture. I cried even more.
I feel like lately I am learning so much.
And to be honest it is not fun.
Being tested.
Being stretched.
Yep, ouch.
And almost every day I am reminded that God's mercies are new every morning.
And every day I am thankful for that promise because I NEED it!!!!
I still have NO idea what the heck God calls from me.
No idea.
But I do know He has called me to have a servant's heart.
So I pray exactly for that.
I pray to be joyful.
To want to help anyone.
To attempt to keep our home peaceful and welcoming.
And to pray pray pray pray when I feel overwhelmed.
I have a problem with wallowing in that overwhelmed feeling
instead of going to Jesus and laying it at His throne.
Working on it.
So while I'm in this odd place.
I pray.
I try.
I just want to love y'all with Jesus' love. 
That's really what I want most out of this life.
To love.
To really love.

While being emotionally raw yesterday I stumbled into the bookstore.
I spotted this right away.
You know when a book sticks out to you and you just have to have it?
Yes. That.

If you don't know this book is called Unglued.
It's by a mother.
Seriously in the first chapter I laughed, I cried, I cringed {knowing yep, been there}, I smiled...
Ok you get it. 
She gets me.
And apparently tons of other women.

This book is all about our emotions. 
One quote in the book that really stuck out to me:
"Yes, but I must remember God gave me emotions so I could experience life, not destroy it"
I feel this so often. I feel like I allow my emotions to destroy the life I have at times.

So far I completely LOVE this book. And think you definitely need it. Yes, if you're reading it and have boobs - go buy the book!!!! You know unless you're perfect ;) 


  1. I just found your blog, and it is just so neat how much you rely on the Lord! I really like your blog! I may have to check out the book as well!

    1. Thank you so much Allyssa! And I will be checking it out right now.

  2. Well I have boobs and I'm definitely not perfect so maybe I should check it out! haha :P What exactly is it about? Motherhood?