Sunday, September 2, 2012

I am struggling.
Very much so.
The harder I fight to live better, be better.
To be more like Jesus.
The harder I feel like I'm being told
YOU ARE A TERRIBLE PERSON AND WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH!!
Lately I've been feeling so
Rejected, unlovable, invisible......

And then I get on twitter {like 2 minutes ago} and see this verse posted

Consider it pure joy, whenever u face trials of many kinds, because u know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. -James 1:2


And it the fog starts to clear a little.
That little light bulb.
Oh yes,
TRIALS.
Those little things that happen as your walk gets closer to Jesus.
Duh!

So here I sit.
Bruised up.
Spirit.
Soul.
Mind.

I feel exhausted.
I feel pushed.
Stretched.

I feel shame.
Something I'm not suppose to feel.
God wants me to see conviction but not shame.

So I will keep going.
I won't give up.
I know I am a work in progress
{somedays I feel heaps more work than most}
But I have a promise
He will NEVER leave me or forsake me -Deuteronomy 31:6
He will keep working in me and for once in my life I am letting Him!



Though there are people whose words will hurt
Whose actions are to be inconsiderate

I must love them.
All.
Enemy.
Friend.
Family.
Neighbor.
God calls me to love them.

Even when I don't want to.

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