Monday, November 12, 2012

As she says "all the things"

I like to do all the things.
I like to make people feel at home, to feel welcome.
I'd love to just spoil people, overwhelm them.
I want to be like Jesus
a woman with a servants heart -- pure gold.
But apparently that's not always good.
I guess I need to learn the word no and not today.
I guess sometimes in my
                              "do all the things all the time" I push people out.

Tonight I received "words of wisdom" from my man regarding this.

I'm not going to stay I'm going to stop doing this.
There are reasons my heart yearns for this.
I want to encourage others, to give others a much needed to break, to break out of my own selfishness.

When I die I want to be exhausted.
I want to have been pressed on every side.
I want to be so done with life.
I want to give with all I have.

Writing this does not mean I'm going to make better choices regarding the word no
Or that I am going to let others help me more.

But it is confession.
Confession that yes I know what I do.
I know where my heart is.

I want to love with all I have and then some.
I don't like the thinking that I need help.
That I can't do all the things.

I am stubborn.

I can admit that I'm fat.
That I'm frumpy.
That I love my sweats way more than any woman should.
I can admit that
I am not overly in love with being a stay at home mom
yet have no desire for a career.
I can admit that I'm not very disciplined and can only dream of being uber organized.

But admitting that I can't do it all.
That. I hate.