This shift in life.
The goal was the American Dream.
To be able to pay all our bills without fear.
To have house guests.
To buy what we wanted, when we wanted.
Somehow that American Dream, it just falls short.
I want more than that.
More than the fulfilling lie of the American Dream.
What I won't lie about is it is great to be able to pay our bills.
No more paying this and then we'll pay that next pay check.
We are in a sense "there"
But my heart no longer cares.
My heart wants more.
More than the selfishness of the American Dream.
There are children dying.
Children being forced into sex at the age of 5.
Marriages falling apart.
People feeling so lost, who just long for a hug.
I want to love so deeply it hurts.
I want to forgive freely.
I want to walk in His joy & love & mercy & grace.
I want my toxic thoughts out.
I want His fullness in.
I want to speak life into others, not my fears or rejection.
The past few months I had to create a space.
A space for myself to allow God to work on some deep places in my heart.
Places where I long for acceptance.
Places of hurt and grief.
Places that deal with my total and complete awkwardness and misunderstanding of relationships.
Husband. Children. Family. Friends.
I don't want any of those people to walk about without knowing His goodness.
I have again been going through the Soul Detox devotional with the beautiful ladies of She Reads Truth.
This time, not only are lies being squished I'm feeling this boldness.
This boldness to stop the walls that I constantly build higher and higher.
To stop caring what others say and focus on what HE says about me.
I feel this boldness to really LOVE.
Jesus replied, "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind." A second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments." -Matthew 22:37-40
That's HUGE. Like seriously. Do not take that lightly.
I can't love like that if I'm less concerned about people and more concerned about the American Dream.