Tuesday, December 17, 2013

What really happened after Influence Conference

Before going to The Influence Conference you could say I was on a God high. The trust, the faith, the whatever it is that makes life just feel like it should was just there. I went to Influence and things happened. God wrecked my heart and got me out of my comfort zone. There was a lot of coffee (+ too much fake sugar, which I found out that weekend is definitely a not good thing for my body) a lot of talking & crying & walking & eating & hugging. It was all that I thought it would be and nothing like I thought it would be.

My heart was wrecked. I don't think I've ever cried, ok sobbed, during a worship service as much as I did that last night. Pieces of the brokenness being pieced back together. The image of that horse painting by April will never leave my mind, it's stamped forever. My soul sister-friend, Courtney coming by my side just to be there. And of course I was right by my crying buddy, Carrie. I cried because of the wrecking, and the brokenness, the lies replaced by truths...and the leaving. I knew I was going to be saying goodbye to my roommates & all the wonderful people I was meeting in real life & the new ones. 

The weekend was safe. It was a safe place to be wrecked and real. It was a place to make new dreams with friends. A place to adore all the small shop goodness. 

Coming home was hard. Not because I didn't miss my husband & children, but because all the info, all the goodness, just can't settle. It was jump back into real life apart from the women you were surrounded by. 

I tried to feed the truth into my heart but it just wasn't going. All the goodness seemed to have evaporated into thin air. And how I missed my girls. 

To be wrecked in the real life, to connect with women can be so hard in real life. To allow yourself to crash and burn is looked down on. But I want God to wreck me, everyday. To trash the lies & fill this yucky heart with His truths about who He made me to be, about women who need encouragement, about the least of these. I want my heart to be wrecked to need more of Him & to stop the "I can do this, I'm a woman of God" 


  1. it is hard to connect with women in real life. i agree completely. maybe because we are too busy with our own thing to actually sit down and connect wholly, but here i know all of us are looking for that one thing. to connect with Jesus as the center, and it makes it easier. i can't tell you how much more encouragement i have received in blogland to pursue Jesus with all my heart than with my real life friends. and maybe that's my fault, in not getting out there and doing it first? but i agree, we need to be wrecked by God everyday.

  2. love this post so much! thanks for being real :)
    it's always hard to come back to "real life" after a conference like that. to be thrown back into the world of people who haven't gone through what you have. but it's so good for God to continue wrecking us (forget what society deems acceptable) because He is molding us to be more like Jesus! :)

  3. This was lovely. I have had similar experiences after attending amazing women's conferences. Transitioning back into "real life" can be difficult. I often crave for the "me" I am at the conference to be the same "me" that I am when I am simply grocery shopping or sitting at my grandmother's kitchen table. That feeling of overwhelming love from God is beyond beautiful, and I pray God shows me how to keep it going just as strong all year long.