My heart was wrecked. I don't think I've ever cried, ok sobbed, during a worship service as much as I did that last night. Pieces of the brokenness being pieced back together. The image of that horse painting by April will never leave my mind, it's stamped forever. My soul sister-friend, Courtney coming by my side just to be there. And of course I was right by my crying buddy, Carrie. I cried because of the wrecking, and the brokenness, the lies replaced by truths...and the leaving. I knew I was going to be saying goodbye to my roommates & all the wonderful people I was meeting in real life & the new ones.
The weekend was safe. It was a safe place to be wrecked and real. It was a place to make new dreams with friends. A place to adore all the small shop goodness.
Coming home was hard. Not because I didn't miss my husband & children, but because all the info, all the goodness, just can't settle. It was jump back into real life apart from the women you were surrounded by.
I tried to feed the truth into my heart but it just wasn't going. All the goodness seemed to have evaporated into thin air. And how I missed my girls.
To be wrecked in the real life, to connect with women can be so hard in real life. To allow yourself to crash and burn is looked down on. But I want God to wreck me, everyday. To trash the lies & fill this yucky heart with His truths about who He made me to be, about women who need encouragement, about the least of these. I want my heart to be wrecked to need more of Him & to stop the "I can do this, I'm a woman of God"