Wednesday, September 2, 2015

this present darkness

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It's running on a road.
With it all around.
Depression, worry, doubt, fear
guilt, shame, confusion, the calendar
comparisons, food issues....
It's locking on my feet, at my side, piercing my heart.

And then I reach a hand out and grab 
a scripture, read a christian book, listen to sermon.
Just enough to keep pushing on.

I'm barely moving my feet,
sometimes it's like spinning,
the darkness makes me loose sight of the path. 

I end up in fetal position crying over a child's messy room.
Feeling scared sitting at the park because other women are there but not Cassie.

So I grab some, I reach hard.

And I keep moving the feet. Keep pushing.

This is non sense.

There are two scriptures that God keeps feeding into my heart.

Bring light to the darkness
It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, 
the Counselor 
will not come to you; but if I go,  I will send him to you. John 16:7

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